Fifteenth Time's The Charm
by Wakkowarnerlover
Summary: The rogue agents try to take down the agency once again, forcing Perry and the other animal agents to hide out in a secret agency base. NOTE: THIS STORY IS PART OF A SERIES AND WILL NOT MAKE SENSE WITHOUT READING THE PREVIOUS STORIES FIRST.
1. Chapter 1

**This was written a while back, so please pardon its dust! I'm uploading my series here via request, so some stuff may be kinda rocky! THIS STORY WILL NOT MAKE ANY SENSE WITHOUT READING THE PREVIOUS STORIES**

 _Why didn't I put on my suit? I could have taken them on if I had my suit. Stupid Remus, STUPID!_

Remy repeated these bitter thoughts to herself as the rain and hail slammed noisily against the wooden roof. It sounded like thousands of feet pounding at once. The noise was deafening.

But not deafening enough to drown out the sounds coming from below.

"I knew everything." Said a cold, nasally voice. "I knew your plan before you even thought of it. That's why I sent her over."

"Yeah, whatever." Remy heard her mother reply. "Look. I'll scrub off the paint, okay? I'll pay you off. But the kids didn't have anything to do with it. Leave 'em alone."

"They know too much. I don't believe I can do anything to help you in that respect." Said the voice.

"We're gonna die." Minnie the coyote pup whimpered, jolting Remy out of her trance. "We're all gonna die."

"Can't you think of any way to get us out of here?" Truth, a mutt, asked.

Remy looked around the room sadly. "If I had my suit…"

"My suit, my suit, my suit. Cut it out about the suit already." Truth said. "You DON'T have your suit, so we need another plan."

Sneakers, a baby platypus with a strong cutonium gene, floated over to a small window in the side wall. Her soft pink glow revealed the two rival gangs below. Memory, the tortoise owner of the nasally voice, was still talking to Prince, Remy's mother. Remy noticed how unusually small her mother looked next to him.

Sneakers floated over to the next window, which faced the roof.

"The roof." Remy sat up. "Sneaks, you're a genius."

Sneakers blew spit bubbles.

"If we can somehow break out of the window, we can slide down the drainpipe and get out of here." Remy explained.

"How are we gonna get out of the window?" Minnie asked.

Remy dug around in a drawer and produced a knife. She began to cut a hole in the glass just large enough for them to slip through. "That's how. Come on, hurry. They may come to get us."

The four of them slipped out of the hole and carefully walked across the roof. The rain pelted down on them, making it very difficult for them to find safe footing.

"Dang." Truth muttered. "The drainpipe's over there. There's a window in front of it. They could see us."

"We'll be fast." Remy said.

Minnie clambered down the drainpipe first. Sneakers simply floated merrily down to the ground, oblivious to her situation.

Remy looked through the window. Prince was looking directly at her, with something like pride in her eyes.

She gave a slight nod.

 _I'll get help, mom. Don't worry._

Remy slid down the drainpipe.

* * *

The animal agents watched Monogram as he paced in front of the meeting table. Monogram did not look happy.

"I'll get right to the point." Monogram said. "I'm sure you all are wondering why I've called you all here, and I'm just going to tell you flat-out."

Peter the panda shrugged. "Fine by me."

"Okay." Alan the alligator said.

"I bet you all know by now that there were a couple of security breaches yesterday."

The agents nodded.

"That was due to CARL not closing the bay door properly when he borrowed the jet." Monogram said, glaring at Carl.

"Sir, that wasn't me. Admiral Acronym needed it to-"

"Hush, Carl!" Monogram snapped. "And I'm sure you all have been wondering about-"

"GET TO THE POINT!" Otis the owl said.

Monogram gave him a stern look before continuing. "We believe rogue agents may be trying to attack the agency again. We need you all to investigate and catch the rogues before they can begin whatever plan they're planning on using."

Ernest the eagle saluted. "It shall be done, Major. As my great-grandfather Ernesto Erneston once said-"

The back doors to the main room opened, and Perry the platypus padded in. He glared at Ernest before sitting down next to Peter the panda.

"I'm glad you're here, Agent P." Monogram said. "I'm so sorry I had to interrupt your vacation time, but… well, you know. There was an emergency, which I have already explained to you. You and seven other elite, trustworthy agents will investigate at night, and eight others in the morning."

Monogram saluted.

"We're dismissed, apparently." Peter said.

"That was quicker than it seemed like it should have been." Pinky the Chihuahua said.

* * *

Perry stared through his electronic binoculars at Kenny the koala.

He had no reason to suspect Kenny, of course, but it just seemed like a good idea to make sure. Perry had gotten into a lot of trouble with rogues in the past, and he didn't want to have any problems with them now.

The binoculars zoomed in on Kenny's face, analyzing it.

SPECIES: KOALA

AGE: ADULT, 10 YEARS

It zoomed in further. Kenny's face filled the whole screen.

"Hi, Perry." Kenny said.

Perry yelped and fell backward, landing on a pile of blankets that Jasper the joey was using to build a fort.

Jasper stamped his powerful hind foot.

"Sorry, Jaz." Perry said, patting him on the head. He climbed back up on the edge of the couch and laughed nervously. "Hi, Kenny. What've you been up to?"

"Oh, you know, napping." Kenny yawned. "Koala stuff, I guess. What are you up to? Platypus stuff?"

"Dealing with the rogue mission." Perry said. "Sorry I was watching you. I guess I'm just paranoid. I can't stand them causing trouble again."

Kenny tilted his head to one side. "You're very on-the-ball, Perry. I'm not so sure anyone is as worried about figuring this out as you are."

Perry looked over at his comrades.

Peter the panda was munching on a stick of bamboo. Billy the beaver was balancing spoons on his face. Pinky was preoccupied with a paddleball.

"At least I have four other people who I can depend on." Perry said.

"Not really." Kenny shrugged. "Kyle went to the movies, who knows where Charlisse is, Terry fell asleep in front of the bathroom door, and Doris went home after she heard the names of the people investigating with her. Maybe she's scared of Billy or something."

"Doris." Perry said. "What the heck does that wolf have against me? All I did was repeat one random thing she said to me and she freaked out. Now she doesn't even come near me."

"What did she say?"

"I don't even remember. Something about yin and yang and pro and con and darkness and lightness or whatever."

Kenny frowned. "Huh. Weird."  
"Too weird. I'm gonna have a talk with her." Perry stood up and stuffed his binoculars into his pocket.

"DORIS is the rogue agent?" Kenny said.

"No, no. I just would like to know WHAT I did wrong, if I did anything to make her avoid me."

* * *

Perry rang the windchimes next to the wooden door.

"Enter." Doris said.

Perry opened the door and walked in. Doris the wolf was sitting in a wooden chair, stirring a cup of tea. She slowly looked up at him… and jumped as though something had stung her. The teacup fell to the floor and broke into little wet pieces.

"C-closed." She stammered. "We're closed for the day."

"The sign on your door said you were open."

"Typo." Doris said, motioning for him to leave.

"Typo? On a sign that says OPEN on the front and CLOSED on the back?"

"Yes." Doris said.

"Come on, Doris. I understand how I somehow upset you that one night, but can you at least tell me what I did so I don't do it again? It's kind of unnerving to have someone constantly avoid you."

Doris's eyes watered. "You did nothing wrong. It was me. Please don't ask me anything else."

"How could it be you? What's wrong?"

"I brought a curse upon you." Doris said, her paws shaking. "One of the worst ones. I didn't do it consciously, of course. Never on purpose." She wiped her eyes on her arm. "It was a curse my aunt gave me."

"You were cursed to curse?"

Doris nodded quickly.

"Okay." Perry said slowly. "Um… am I gonna die or something?"

"No." Doris shook her head. "It won't affect you. But… it will affect… it's a very… very bad, difficult curse."

"Okay. Can you please explain it?"

Doris nodded. "Have a seat… I'm so sorry, Perry… I'm so sorry…"

"Just explain." Perry said. "I'll freak out after I know what I'm in for, and THEN you can apologize."


	2. Chapter 2

"Yin and yang are two opposing forces." Doris said. "Neither is bad or good, they simply exist together. Together, they balance each other out. You can never have a completely good person or a perfectly bad person. People have good and bad qualities. For instance: Monogram is good. He fights for the right things and aims to save the world, but he is also rude to Carl and oblivious to the feelings of others."

Perry nodded. "And Doofenshmirtz is evil, but he really cares about animals and couldn't stand hurting one."

"Exactly." Doris said. "You cannot name a completely good or completely evil person. One simply doesn't exist. In order to have yin, you must have yang. You can't go somewhere until you leave. You can't have water without rain. The curse I uttered that night called for yin and yang to separate. Imagine a being with a separate yin and yang."

"…Like, a completely good or completely bad person?"

"No. A being that can only have yin OR yang. Never both."

"I don't understand."

"A being that is completely good one moment and completely evil another. Never with any good qualities when evil. Never with any bad ones when good. That is what the curse does. It separates the balance."

"So… I'm gonna be saving people one moment… and then destroying towns the next?"

"Not you." Doris said sadly. "I didn't curse YOU."

"Then why will this affect me at all?"

"The curse cannot go to an already-living being. I cursed your unborn child." Doris said quietly.

Perry didn't move.

Doris hung her head.

"So… my baby… will be that being… with the separate personalities?"

Doris nodded.

"I kinda wish you had told me this earlier." Perry said.

Doris pressed her paws against her face. "I know. I'm sorry. I just kind of hoped I wouldn't have to…"

"It's okay." Perry said. "I mean, I'm gonna love my baby no matter what. Maybe it won't be such a strong version of that curse."

"Maybe." Doris said doubtfully. "I'm… so, so sorry, Perry."

"I forgive you. Don't worry. Now can you please stop avoiding me? We have to investigate the rogue case, or we'll have another problem on our hands."

* * *

Hamlet the hamster took a bite of his carrot.

Hamlet the hamster took a second bite of his carrot.

Hamlet the hamster took a third-

"Could you please stop watching me eat?" Hamlet asked.

Perry sighed. He was certain he had been completely covered by the trashcan, but someone must have moved it while he was focused on Hamlet. "Sorry."

"It's okay." Hamlet said, taking his fourth bite of carrot. "I know it's fascinating to watch me stuff food in my cheeks. The new recruits pay me to do it sometimes."

Perry sat down across from him. "Have you seen any suspicious agents lately? Or any animals lurking around the agency?"

"The only suspicious agent I saw was the one hiding behind the trashcan watching me eat my carrot."

"Sorry." Perry said again.

"I'm just teasing you." Hamlet said. "I did see something very suspicious earlier, though."

"What?" Perry asked.

Hamlet lowered his voice. "I saw Devon the dog and Carrie the cat go into the main room. Alone. And they talked. Alone. I couldn't hear them, but it was very suspicious."  
"…Uh, Devon and Carrie are kind of… boyfriend and girlfriend."

"Ohhhh." Hamlet said. "That makes sense. How come I'm always the last to know these things?"

"So you didn't see anything suspicious at all?" Perry said.

"Nope." Hamlet said. "Sorry, chum. Hope you get to the bottom of it soon."

"Thanks, Hamlet." Perry said.

"You know, this is the first conversation we've ever had without you making some kind of annoying joke about my name." Hamlet said.

"Do you mind if I ask you one last thing?" Perry asked.

"Nope. Go ahead."

"To be, or not to be?"

Perry ducked to avoid the carrot Hamlet threw at his head.

* * *

The boys, Perry, and Candace sat on the carpet with markers and paper. Lawrence and Linda had gone out to an antique meeting. The kids had decided to stay put in the home of the old antique dealer where they were staying during their vacation.

"Thanks for making romantic cards with me." Candace said. "Jeremy is just going to love this one: You are the golden sun in a sea of darkness, the single star shining between the city lights. You are my Jeremy."

Perry snorted. "Creative."

"Making greeting cards is fun." Phineas said, opening up his card. "This one I made is for brothers. It says, 'You're my best friend and my bro, where you head I'll always go'."

"I made one for when someone does you a favor but you don't actually like them." Ferb said, holding up his card. It had a picture of a smiley face on it.

Perry took it from him and read the front. Candace peeked over his shoulder.

 _You are nice and you are kind. Thanks again._

Perry opened up the card.

 _SOME OTHER TIME._

Candace rolled her eyes. "Boys obviously don't understand the joy of creating wonderful cards. Come on, didn't at least ONE of you make a romantic card?"

"I made a romantic card." Perry said.

"What does it say?" Candace asked.

"Do you love me, or do you not? You told me once but I forgot." Perry said.

Ferb snickered.

"It's for people in rocky relationships." Perry said. "I also made another one for when your girlfriend locks you out of the house. 'Do you love me or do you not, I really need to use the pot.'"

Ferb started to howl with laughter.

"That is SO disgusting." Candace said.

"I made one for people with new babies. It all began in the darkness-" Ferb began.

"Ferb, for the one hundredth time, no one wants to know the details of your birth." Perry said.

"What's the point of remembering it if no one wants to hear it?" Ferb asked. "Fine. But guess what? My card is one of those cards that makes sounds when you open it."

He started to open it.

"NO, Ferb!" Perry and Phineas shouted in unison.

"What? All it does is play the Kendrine Adems song 'Infant, Infant, Infant'."

"Oh." Phineas said.

"Now I really don't want you to open it." Perry said.

"I'm afraid to ask." Phineas said. "But what's your third card, Perry?"

"That's a good one." Perry said. "It's for when you are confessing your love for someone. It doesn't rhyme or anything."

Candace looked interested.

Ferb looked disappointed.

Perry began to read. "You make me feel bright, like a thousand suns and a million moons. You make me feel happy like I've just won the lottery. Why can't I tell you how I feel? Because you make me so nervous and confused…" Perry looked at Candace. She seemed very pleased with his card so far. Perry tried to hold in his laughter as he read the last sentence. "…like when I can't remember which washcloth I used on my face and which one I used for my armpits."

Perry and the boys burst into laughter.

Candace growled. "UGGH! You guys are SO immature. You'll never get girlfriends."

"READ IT AGAIN!" Phineas giggled. "READ IT AGAIN!"

Perry attempted to, but he couldn't do it with a straight face. Candace stood up angrily and picked up her cards.

"Fine. You boys just sit there and write your weird cards. I'm going into my room to write REAL ones." Candace huffed.

* * *

"That really is a seriously nerve-wracking and confusing problem, though." Peter the panda said.

"I know, right?" Perry said. "I once told myself, 'I'm putting my face washcloth on the right of the towel rack, like I had it before, and my armpit washcloth on the left.' But then I got all confused the next night and started freaking out. Who wants to use an armpit washcloth on their face?"

"Did you smell them to find out which is which?" Peter asked.

"Guys." Pinky sighed. "This conversation… is… interesting, but could you please change the subject?"

"Didn't you like my lovely romantic card?" Perry asked innocently.

"Why don't you just use a fresh washcloth every time?" Peter asked.

"Linda would get suspicious of all the washcloths." Perry said.

Serah, a white swan, sat down next to them and gave a dramatic sigh. "This agency sometimes."

"What's wrong with it?" Peter asked.

Perry looked around. A pig agent was rollerskating down the stairs. Two dinner tables were engaged in an all-out food fight. Three agents were playing croquet in the middle of the cafeteria with a rolled-up Herman the hedgehog. Brenda the basset hound had accidentally thrown Charlisse the chameleon up onto one of the ceiling rafters and was unable to find her.

"Yeah, it's pretty low-key today." Perry said. "What's wrong with it, Serah with an E-R-H?"

"It's just… so boring." Serah yawned.

"Bor-" Perry ducked to avoid a fire extinguisher someone had thrown. It hit the ceiling and knocked Charlisse down into a relieved Brenda's arms. "Boring?! Where do you come from, Las Vegas?"

"There are just never any events going on." Serah said.

"She's right, you know." Devon the dog said, squeezing in between Peter and Perry. "That's why I thought up a cool new way to spice things up."

"Do enlighten us." Perry said sarcastically. Devon's ideas rarely flew.

"Picture this." Devon held up his paws. "Our very own O.W.C.A newspaper."

"We HAVE a paper, Dev." Perry said. "Carrie's always interviewing me for it."

"No one reads that paper." Peter said dismissively.

"Yeah, I don't even read it and I'm DATING Carrie." Devon said. "I'm talking about an entirely different can of worms. The real deal. Copy, print, paste."

"Please don't start talking like a reporter the way you talked like a detective." Pinky groaned.

"Okay." Devon said. "But seriously, everyone's going to love it. The latest news, gossip- I'm even letting Darren do his old 'Discussions With Darren' bit he used to do on the O.W.C.A news channel."

"I remember Discussions With Darren." Peter said. "How did that get cancelled?"

"I accidentally destroyed the O.W.C.A news equipment after Darren and I got into an argument." Perry said.

* * *

"Whatchya watchin'?" Phineas asked, flopping down next to Perry on the couch.

"The Orange Ocelot." Perry said. "It's a pretty good movie."

"Where's the ocelot?" Phineas asked.

"It's not actually an ocelot." Perry said. "It's the name of this rare stone that the policeman has to protect."

"Oh. How's the rogue hunt going?"

"Badly." Perry said. "I figured out Hamlet the hamster and Kenny the koala are innocent, though."

"Have you seen anyone sneaking around the agency?" Phineas asked.

"No. And Dennis is still oblivious to his past, and a rogue agent I arrested long ago is in jail. We have none on the inside as far as we know."

"Can your guards be bribed?"

"No. They're completely devoted to the agency. They aren't mercenaries."

"Maybe the rogue thing is all in Monogram's head." Phineas said. "Maybe no one's really attacking the agency."

"Monogram is out of it." Perry agreed. "But he does have a good nose for this sort of thing. And when he gets nervous, you pay attention."


	3. Chapter 3

"The toilet's clogged." Ferb said.

Perry looked up from his book. "Well, that's no good. Is there a plunger?"

Ferb nodded and went back into the bathroom. Phineas started laughing.

"Clogging a toilet that's not yours is like, the most embarrassing thing ever." Phineas said. "Like when you go to a friend's house and they have no plunger and you have to tell them and it's like… it's just so embarrassing!"

"Right?" Perry said. "It's like, 'I had to go to the bathroom SO MUCH that I broke your toilet.'"

Phineas started laughing even harder. "Oh gosh, yes!"

"Are toilets supposed to make growling bubble noises?" Ferb called back.

"And that was how the Flynn-Fletcher family was asked to leave the historic antique dealer's house." Perry said.

"Never mind, I fixed it." Ferb came out of the bathroom, sopping wet.

"Ugh. Take a shower." Perry said.

"It's all clean water." Ferb said.

"Still." Perry said.

* * *

The searing pain Prince felt in her belly made it hard for her to see for a moment. She clutched onto the side of the counter and squeezed her eyes shut.

"You okay, Princess?" Someone asked.

Prince opened her eyes again and scowled at the creature in front of her. "That's not my name."

"All right then. What about Sugar, then?" Meerkis asked.

Meerkis came into the Renegade's so-called "Party Town" often enough that Prince actually bothered to remember his name.

"What do you want?" Prince snapped.

Meerkis grinned. "The usual."

Prince poured him a glass of milk and added a bit of honey and sugar. She slid it over to him.

Meerkis took a sip and raised an eyebrow. "I don't know what's sweeter. This, or you."

"Sweet is stretching it a bit." Prince said coldly. "Drink it and shut up."

She felt another stab of pain in her belly and lowered herself down behind the counter, shutting her eyes again. What the heck was causing it? Lack of good food? Concern for Remy and Sneakers? Or was she allergic to something in this place?

"Seriously, Sugar." Meerkis peeked at her over the counter. "Are you okay? D'ya need me to tell Memory somethin's up with you and he'd better pay attention?"

"You stay on THAT side of the counter." Prince said through her teeth. "Or I'll poke your eye out."

Meerkis smiled and shook his head. "All right, Sugar. Anything for you."

Out of the corner of her eye, Prince noticed Malice watching her.

"I'm fine. Quit looking at me." She mouthed.

Malice approached her instead. He was able to reach the very edge of the left side of the counter before his chain stopped him. He kneeled down.

"What's up with you?" He asked.

Prince scooted closer to him. "I'm fine. Get back over there before someone sees you."

"I know you, Prince."

"My stomach's killing me."

"Like, food poisoning killer or…"

"Nausea. Don't know what it is."

"HEY DOG!" Someone called. "I'M TRYING TO PLACE MY BET HERE!"

Malice rolled his eyes. "Back to that stupid wheel. Although…" He grinned. "It is kinda fun to watch those idiots throw their money out the window."

Prince snickered.

Malice's expression became serious again. "Prince. If you feel ANY pain at all, anything, or some sleaze hits on you, or that Meerkwhatever so much as looks at you-"

"Shut up, Mally. I'm fine."

"DOG!" Someone shouted again.

"ONE MORE TIME AND I GUARANTEE YOU AREN'T WINNING ANY CASH TONIGHT!" Malice snarled. He patted Prince lightly on the shoulder and went back to his post.

Prince stood up again and drummed her fingers on the counter.

"Do you believe in fate?" Meerkis asked. "Because I believe that there's a reason we're in the same place at the same time."

"Not unless fate enjoys playing lame practical jokes." Prince retorted. "I swear, one more cheesy crack out of you and that sweet little drink will accidentally spill over your head."

* * *

Perry put down his binoculars and picked up his notes. It was a little hard to read them in the darkness.

 _KENNY THE KOALA: Innocent. Why did I even suspect him?_

 _HAMLET THE HAMSTER: Too busy being a tragic hero to be a rogue._

 _FLITTERING EAGLE: Are you kidding, Perry? Get some sleep. Ernest Hemingway's the sticklerest stickler in the world. And sticklerest isn't even a word. GO TO SLEEP ALREADY._

 _MANFRED FREENY: Acting like Manfred and not like his weirdo rogue brother, so no._

 _FERB'S COW: Seriously, go to sleep already._

Perry put his notes back down and adjusted his position on the O.W.C.A's roof. His butt was starting to hurt from sitting so long.

Suddenly he saw movement down in the yard. Perry raised his binoculars and switched them on.

He saw the faint outline of a tapir.

 _SPECIES: TAPIR_

 _AGE: SEVEN YEARS_

Perry frowned. He didn't recognize this tapir. The only ones they had at the agency were over seven years old.

Perry pulled out his pocket tranquilizer and loaded the appropriate dart. He aimed and fired.

He heard a small thud, and assumed he had hit his target.

Perry clambered down the drainpipe and hopped into the yard. The tapir was lying on its side. It looked confused.

"Hello, mother." It said to Perry. "Lovely weather we're having, isn't it?"

Perry struggled to lift the tapir. He only succeeded in lifting its top half.

He began to drag it into the agency.

* * *

Perry dragged the tapir into Monogram's office.

Monogram frowned. "Agent P, what- oh. Oh dear."

Perry set the tapir down and wiped his brow.

"Uh, Agent P, this is Tamara the tapir. She's new today. I forgot to tell you. But she is not a rogue. That I am sure of."

Perry looked down at the unconscious tapir. He wondered if Tamara would ever be able to forgive him for her first day on the job.

More than a little embarrassed, Perry saluted and slunk out of the office.

...

"Well, Tamara the tapir isn't guilty." Perry said glumly.

"Maybe you should think back." Phineas said. "In-depth, what made Monogram believe there was going to be a rogue attack?"

"There were two security breaches from attempted break-ins. One in the agency's broom closet, the other in Kenny the koala's tube system. But it wasn't Kenny. A shredded note was also found telling a rogue to meet another rogue at a certain place. This is why Monogram believes there's a rogue on the inside."

The waitress came over to their table to take their order.

"Let's see. I'll have a veggie omelette, hash browns, and two biscuits." Perry said, looking at the menu.

"You really that hungry, Perry?" Phineas asked.

"Yep. Attacking an innocent tapir last night really worked up my appetite."

"Okay then." Phineas said. He turned to the waitress. "I'll have French Toast with strawberries, Perry wants a veggie omelette with hash browns and two biscuits, and Ferb wants blueberry pancakes, poached eggs, and three glasses of chocolate milk."

The waitress nodded and left.

"You're good at ordering." Perry said.

"Well, considering you can't talk and Ferb won't, I've had a lot of practice." Phineas said.

"Ferb, are you sure you can eat all that?" Perry asked. "The chocolate milk alone would fill me up."

"Ferb's a bottomless pit." Phineas said.

"Once, when I was little, father took me to a fair in England." Ferb said. "There was this pie-eating contest and I wasn't even in it, but I ate the pie anyway because I thought it was free. I won the whole thing."

"He even beat the five-year champion." Phineas said. "Whenever we go to England and the fair is set up, there's always a picture of one-year-old Ferb by the pie contest booth. No one's beaten his record yet."

"Twenty-six pies under twenty minutes." Ferb said.

"You're making me lose my appetite." Perry said.

* * *

Perry was getting really bored with watching the O.W.C.A through his binoculars.

He put them down and picked up his notes.

 _THINGS I'D RATHER BE DOING THAN THIS:_

 _Build a rocket_

 _Fight a mummy_

 _Climb up the Eiffel Tower_

 _Discover something that doesn't exist_

 _Give a monkey a shower_

 _Surf a tidal wave_

 _Create nanobots_

 _Locate Frankenstein's brain_

 _Find the dodo bird_

 _Paint the continent_

 _Drive my sister insane_

Perry stopped. "What the heck am I writing? I'm overtired again…"

He noticed movement on the other side of the agency. He grabbed his binoculars and dashed across the roof to see what it was.

He focused his binoculars on the creature below.

 _SPECIES: RABBIT_

Perry didn't need to learn the age to know who it was.

"Dennis! What the heck are you doing down there?" He called. "You're not needed past eight PM!"

Dennis looked up at him, a cruel intelligence in his eyes. "Oh, that's right. Is that an agency rule?"

"No, I guess you can be here if you want to, but it's not required."

"Well, if it's an agency rule, then I don't have to follow-" Dennis stamped his foot. "UGH! You ruined it. You ruined my best line."

"Did you drink too much fruit punch today, Dennis?"

"Listen, Agent P." Dennis snarled. "I've had a few friends over recently, and they told me who I was. Who I had forgotten. I didn't believe them at first, but…" Dennis patted his pocket. "Let's just say their story was a little more convincing than the O.W.C.A's."

Perry processed this.

 _Once a mercenary, always a mercenary._

"You… you remember being a rogue?"

"Oh, yes." Dennis nodded.

"And they hired you back?"  
Dennis smiled. "They do pay a little better than this place."

"You… you…" Perry grabbed his tranquilizer. Dennis laughed and held up an electricity gun.

"It's been a long time since we've had a spat, Perry. I kind of missed it, didn't you?" Dennis said.

Perry shot at him. Dennis fired at the exact same moment.

The dart hit Dennis in the chest, and the bolt zapped Perry on his hip. His entire body exploded in sizzling pain.

He fell down the roof tube and tumbled into the agency, sliding out into another agent's arms.

Perry looked up at Ernest weakly.

"Dennis. Dennis is the rogue." He said.


	4. Chapter 4

Ernest narrowed his eyes. "That doesn't surprise me."

"I… tranquilized him… grab him." Perry struggled to sit up. The electric current had finished its paralyzing passage through his body and he was finally able to move a little. "He can't escape."

Ernest walked over to a loudspeaker microphone and spoke into it. "Rogue agent spotted. Agent D, Dennis the rabbit. White rabbit. Blue eyes. Dispatch security-"

The power went out. Ernest frowned. "That doesn't usually happen."

"Of course it doesn't, bucko." Perry snapped. "They probably tampered with the…"

Suddenly two large, black wolves crashed down into the room. They snarled at them, showing their sharp, pointy teeth.

"Get out." Ernest told Perry. "Find Monogram." He covered Perry from the wolves' sight with his wing.

Doris scrambled into the room. "Both of you, get out. The stars aren't in your favor. I'll take care of these."

Ernest didn't appear to need to be told twice. He grabbed Perry and dashed out of the room. Doris got down on all fours and began fighting with the fellow wolves.

More and more unfamiliar animals poured in around them, making it hard for them to go anywhere but forward, toward the main room. Carrie the cat came streaming down a hallway, pursued by a falcon. Floretta the falcon was being chased by a rogue cat.

The animals pushed them toward the main room.

"They'll trap us in there if they get around the other sides." Perry said.

Ernest ignored him and pressed on. Perry never liked the idea of being carried during an attack, but being carried by someone who appeared to be getting them captured was twice as unnerving.

Ernest burst into the main room. Carrie and Floretta dashed in after him.

All of the animal agents and human workers were already in there.

Jasper the joey waved at Perry. "He-wo."

Perry was surprised the entire agency fit in the main room. He was not surprised to find that rogues had surrounded all of the doors to the room itself.

"Idiot." Dennis said, stepping forward, the dart still in his chest. "You thought you could tranquilize me? Remember, I'm so much stronger and faster than normal rabbits. You'd need a hippo tranquilizer to do that."

Henrietta the hippo looked offended.

"And now, it seems the O.W.C.A really has fallen." Dennis said. "Everyone is here, all together. Shall we take them now, rogues?"

"599." Monogram said quietly.

"What?" Dennis looked confused.

Monogram pressed a button on his watch. The floor beneath the agents and humans lowered quickly down a tube.

"NO!" Dennis shouted. "Emergency Escape 599! Rogues, after them!"  
Monogram began talking quickly as the floor began to travel to the right. "As soon as I activated Escape 599, planes were activated. Those planes will take us to the secret base that only I and select individuals know the location of. As soon as we get above ground, you'll see the first plane. The planes shall close when they reach their load limit. There are enough planes to transport us all, but you'll have to keep running to the next one if you are unable to board the first before it leaves. Don't worry, if a plane closes and leaves without you in it, there WILL be another. I guarantee there are enough for everyone."

The rogues began to stream down the sides of the tubes.

"Get ready to run." Monogram warned. "Agent B, could you take Lowe?"

Brandon the bulldog picked Lowe the fennec fox up. Lowe didn't look concerned in the least.

Finally, the floor rose again. The ceiling above them opened, and they were outside.

* * *

The first plane filled up quickly and lifted off. Perry ran past it and set his gaze on the second one in the distance.

He noticed Baby Ned the narwhal and a baby seal desperately trying to run on their fins. He scooped them up and continued to press forward.

The harp seal giggled. "Platty-puss!"

The second plane was directly in front of him. Perry tossed Ned and the seal into Randy the reindeer's arms. Randy helped them get safely aboard, and the plane lifted off.

Now Perry focused on getting to the third plane, which was on top of a slight incline. The rogues were gaining on him and the other agents.

Out of the corner of his eye, Perry saw Dennis far behind him, holding what appeared to be a gun of his own invention.

 _Not good._

"Keep going!" Ernest shouted, pushing Perry on with his wing. "Don't fall behind!"

Dennis fired. Ernest's left wing fell limp. Ernest glanced at it as though it had suddenly become a petty burden to him.

"Are you-" Perry began, but he never finished his sentence. He tripped over a rock and landed on his left hand, crumbling to the ground.

"Come ON!" Ernest pulled him up again and gave him a push. Perry started running again, his vision blurred with tears. His wrist was throbbing.

The third ship wasn't far off. Just a few more feet, and he could finally relax.

Dennis fired again.

Perry fell. He couldn't feel his legs. They didn't appear to be a part of him anymore, and he couldn't move them at all.

He clawed at the ground with his uninjured hand, attempting to pull himself forward. Ernest had boarded the ship and was turning around to see if he had made it.

"Ernest!" Perry called. "Help me… please!"

Ernest looked at him, then off at the distance behind him.

"Agent E…" Perry pleaded. "Help me…"

Ernest gazed into his eyes, and for the first time, Perry saw fear in them.

Fear and guilt.

Ernest made no move to help him.

The plane lifted off. Perry closed his eyes. He couldn't run to the next one. He couldn't move. Three of his four limbs were useless.

He would perish at the hands of the rogues. Abandoned. Helpless.

He felt someone yank him up and toss him onto a shoulder. Someone furry, skinny…

Someone he knew. He didn't know exactly who, but he knew it was a friend.

A friend who couldn't breathe very well.

Perry heard the sound of paws scrambling onto metal. He heard the plane door close.

And suddenly he was on the cold metallic floor of the plane, facing the ceiling. He heard someone hacking, wheezing, and desperately gasping for air.

"Per?" Perry saw the blurred face of Alan the alligator appear before him. "Is your wrist okay?"

Perry heard Monogram's footsteps coming toward him.

"Where's Agent B?" Monogram demanded. "And grab an oxygen tank, whoever's nearest to the emergency medical supplies. WHERE THE HECK IS AGENT B?"

Admiral Acronym pulled Perry up into a sitting position and tried to get him to drink some water. Perry closed his eyes again.

* * *

The first time Perry woke up, he was sitting on someone's lap in a dark room. Someone else was bandaging his wrist.

"…not broken?" Monogram said from the left side of the room.

"No. Only sprained." Someone else said. "And his legs have been temporarily paralyzed. They should go back to normal in a day or two with the pills."

Perry found no interest in this conversation and went back to sleep.

The second time he woke up, he was lying in a comfortable bed in another dark room that smelled of soap and warm laundry. The only light emitted from a small TV in the right side of the room. A cooking show was playing. Perry drifted off again.

The third time Perry woke, the cooking channel was still innocently playing on the television. He had tossed two of his pillows onto the floor in his sleep.

It took him a moment before he realized he was not alone in the room. A second bed was next to his, and in it lay a small hedgehog. The hedgehog looked at him.

It was Herman. Perry didn't interact with Herman very much. All he knew was that Herman specialized in disguising himself as round objects.

Perry attempted to tip his fedora, but it wasn't on his head, so he turned the gesture into an awkward salute. Herman gave him a nod and turned his attention back to the television.

"What's with the cooking show?" Perry finally said. He was still a little too tired to talk, and his voice caught in his throat a little.

"I can't reach the remote." Herman said.

"Are we in the medical section of the secret base?"

"I dunno."

"Okay. Is there a bathroom?"

"Yep." Herman pointed at a door on the side with the television. "Unoccupied. We're the only two in here."

Perry tried to get up. "…Uh… problem. They… they didn't amputate my legs or anything, did they?"

"Not that I know of." Herman said. "Why do you think that?"

"I can't move them."

"Oh, right. That's happened to a lot of us." Herman pointed at his right arm. "Dennis's gun temporarily paralyzes whatever it hits. It paralyzed my arm, Clara's foot, Terry's tail, and Charlisse's nostril."

"Well, that's good to know. Now how am I gonna get up?"

"Use your arms."

"You mean my arm?" Perry held up his uninjured wrist.

"Oh." Herman said.

"It's okay. Star Wars has prepared me for this moment." Perry began to drag himself along the bed using his right hand.

Herman watched him. "Do you need help?"

"If Darth Vader can do it, I can do it." Perry said. "And I have it easy, I'm not on fire."

He reached the end of the bed.

"Ugh. Never mind. Vader was crazy anyway." Perry rolled back to the front of the bed and pulled the covers over himself. "So, what are these guys cooking?"

"I don't know. Pumpernickel bread?"

"Looks more like cheese lasagna."

"Really? I thought it looked like brownie cake."

"Oh yeah, it kind of does. So what's that green stuff?"

"The celery?"

"No… more like broccoli." Perry tilted his head back to see better. "Or an unripe eggplant."

"And that's how you make vegetable fruitcake." The man on the television said.

"OOHHHHHH." Perry and Herman said together.

"Should have known." Perry said.

"Obvious." Herman said.

The next show began to start up.

"Hello, I'm Maisy Berns, five-star chef." A woman said.

"Maisy Burns?" Perry asked. "Good chef name. Maisy Burns her cake."

Maisy began to bake a casserole. Herman watched with interest.

"Herman? Do you know exactly what happened with me?" Perry asked.

"You sprained your wrist and got your legs temporarily paralyzed." Herman said.

"I didn't actually expect you to know the answer to that question." Perry admitted. "But thanks."

* * *

"Come on, Agent P." Monogram said. "Eat the pill."

Perry stared at him. He did not open his mouth.

"CARL!" Monogram shouted. "He needs to eat this pill or his legs won't get better!"

"What does that have to do with me, sir?" Carl asked.

"I don't know, but I'm sure you have SOMETHING to do with him not eating it!" Monogram snapped.

"Maybe you just need to put it inside something, sir." Carl said. "Like a treat or a food he likes."

"I know!" Monogram said. "I'll put it inside a treat or a food he likes."

Carl looked confused.

Monogram took a platypus treat out of his pocket and placed the pill inside. He handed it to Perry.

Perry took it from him and swallowed it.

"Good." Monogram patted him on the head. "Now let's head to Burrito Barge for lunch. I love their tacos!"

"Sir, isn't that the restaurant that has the seatbelts on the toilets?" Carl asked nervously.

Perry snickered.


	5. Chapter 5

It was the middle of the night, and Perry couldn't sleep no matter how hard he tried. He kept thinking about Ernest abandoning him.

Sure, the two of them didn't have a great relationship. But Perry had always consoled himself with the thought that Ernest would be there for him if he were in danger.

Apparently not. Ernest had just stood there and looked at him while he struggled. All Ernest had to do was take two steps. Ernest didn't.

Why didn't he?

Herman had already been asleep for an hour. The television was still playing the cooking channel.

Perry felt like crying. He was exhausted, but too upset to fall asleep.

He also felt a little lonely with no one to talk to.

He tried to entertain himself by talking to the chef on the television.

"And this spice really adds that extra ZING to this sauce." The lady said.

"I'm sure it does." Perry said.

"You know, it just gives it that extra SOMETHING."

"A zing and a something. Mmm, mmm."

"That extra… delicious taste." The lady said.

"That's it, I'm not talkin' to you anymore." Perry grabbed an O.W.C.A laptop from the bedside table with his good hand and logged into his instant messaging program.

 **Owcapplat: boys**

 **Owcapplat: you there**

 **Owcapplat:** **:(**

 **Owcapplat: boyyyyssssss**

 **Phinboy22: hi perry we made gingerbread land**

 **Owcapplat: yay a boy where's the other one**

 **Ferbster: i exist**

 **Owcapplat:** **:)**

 **Phinboy22: gingerbread land was awesome perry**

 **Owcapplat: well i found the rogues**

 **Owcapplat: actually they found me and um**

 **Owcapplat: my legs are paralyzed and my wrist is sprained**

 **Phinboy22: what** **:(**

 **Owcapplat: hey it could be worse i could have been on fire**

 **Ferbster: like my cow**

 **Strudelcutie4427: hey guys**

 **Owcapplat: doof what the heck you're not in this**

 **Owcapplat: why is he even here**

 **Phinboy22: we added him as a friend**

 **Owcapplat: what**

 **Owcapplat: have you gone crazy**

 **Ferbster: no but i have**

 **Phinboy22: ferb :(**

 **Strudelcutie4427: okay so which 1 of u is finneas and which one is phil**

 **Owcapplat: i'm phil and ferbster is darth kiki**

 **Ferbster: lol**

 **Phinboy22: your legs are paralyzed** **:(**

 **Strudelcutie4427: no they're not**

 **Owcapplat: go away doof**

 **Owcapplat: only temporarily**

 **Owcapplat: they'll go back to normal tomorrow**

 **Strudelcutie4427: wait whose legs are paralyzed**

 **Owcapplat: doof you're giving me a headache**

 **Owcapplat: i'm in a base recuperating which is why i'm not there**

 **Phinboy22: oh well i'm glad you're not hurt bad**

 **Phinboy22: we were worried**

 **Phinboy22:** **:(**

 **Ferbster: armpit**

 **Owcapplat: yes i can see ferb was practically drowning in worry**

 **Strudelcutie4427: how do u make those little faces**

 **Strudelcutie4427: kids and technology these days**

 **Owcapplat: nemesises and their butting in where they don't belong these days**

 **Ferbster: cows these days**

 **Strudelcutie4427: oh i know right**

 **Owcapplat: okay now i don't even know what we're talking about**

 **Ferbster: cows**

 **Owcapplat: -_-**

 **Strudelcutie4427: what's with the three lines**

 **Owcapplat: it means you're giving me a headache**

 **Strudelcutie4427: who's giving you a headache**

 **Owcapplat: -_-**

 **Strudelcutie4427: oh me okay whatever i see how it is**

 **Phinboy22: when are you gonna get better perry**

 **Owcapplat: tomorrow maybe the day after**

 **Owcapplat: however long it takes a sprained wrist to heal after that**

 **Ferbster: dinosaur**

 **Owcapplat: how much chocolate milk did he have?**

 **Phinboy22: six glasses**

 **Ferbster: no seven actually**

 **Owcapplat: you two better go to bed**

 **Owcapplat: don't want ferb getting overly tired**

 **Phinboy22: why**

 **Ferbster: do cows have armpits and do armpits have cows**

 **Owcapplat: that's why**

 **Owcapplat: goodnight you two**

 **Phinboy22: goodnight perry we love you**

 **Ferbster: and we also love blowfish**

 **Owcapplat: yes yes you do now get to bed**

 **Phinboy22: okay love you**

 **Owcapplat: love you too goodnight**

 **(Phinboy22 has logged out)**

 **(Ferbster has logged out)**

 **Strudelcutie4427: so what should we talk about**

 **Owcapplat: goodnight doofenshmirtz**

 **Strudelcutie4427: but i'm not going to bed yet**

 **(Owcapplat has logged out)**

 **Strudelcutie4427: ugh fine goodnight**

* * *

Perry felt a little groggy the next morning from lack of sleep.

He was finally able to use his legs, even though they felt a little numb. He got out of bed and wobbled out of the room, following the smell of breakfast.

He came to a large kitchen filled with agents, most of which had bandages. Monogram was standing at the front, cooking pancakes on a griddle.

"Whoever wants pancakes, grab a plate and come on up!" He said cheerfully.

"Hi, Perry!" Peter the panda ran up to him, holding a large plate of pancakes.

"Hey." Perry said sleepily.

"I just wanted to tell you that I would have grabbed you if Lowe hadn't gotten there first." Peter said quietly. "I wouldn't have pulled an Ernest on you."

"Thanks." Perry said. He closed his eyes for a moment, trying to remember. "…Lowe's the one who saved me back there?"

Peter nodded. "Yep. When you fell, Lowe and Brandon were ahead of you. Lowe went back for you and grabbed you up. He managed to make it exactly on the plane before he had an attack."

Perry frowned. "An attack?"

Peter chewed on a pancake. "Yeah. Alan told me Lowe has a lung condition, and that's why he's not supposed to do any physical activity or he can't breathe. That's why you never see him run anywhere."

Perry almost mentioned he and Lowe ran from his psychotic father a few months before, but then remembered that Lowe hadn't been fully alive at the time.

"…He's the one I heard coughing back on the plane, then… is he okay?"

Peter nodded. "Oh, yeah. He got oxygen right away and then his medicine when we made it to the base. He's fine. And he was glad to know you were okay."

"He nearly kills himself trying to save me and all that stupid eagle had to do was walk two steps." Perry grumbled.

"Three steps, actually, according to eyewitnesses." Peter said, lazily sipping his glass of orange juice.

Perry narrowed his eyes. "That big, selfish jerk…"

He stormed away.

"You're gonna miss the pancakes!" Peter called.

* * *

Perry knocked on the second door in the hallway.

"Come in." Lowe said.

Perry opened the door and walked in. The room looked exactly the same as the one he and Herman were staying in.

Lowe was sitting on a bed reading a book. He looked up from it and smiled at Perry. "Hello, Perry. Feeling any better?"

"I should be asking you that." Perry said. "I had no idea… you had a lung problem."

Lowe shook his head. "It's fine. I have no desire to run anywhere."

"But you were fine with running before because… you were half-dead."

"Yes."

"Why did you go back for me? You nearly killed yourself."  
Lowe sighed deeply. "I knew someone would rescue you if I didn't. But I did it anyway. I've always been fond of you, Perry. You've got a very strong attitude."

"That stupid flittering eagle." Perry muttered. "I guess I should have suspected he'd do that. He hates me, after all."

Lowe shook his head. "He doesn't hate you."

"Yes, he does. Have you ever seen how he snaps at me all the time? How he goes out of his way to torment me? He always tries to get me into trouble. And when I was practically a non-evil Anakin Skywalker lying on the ground there, he just deserted me!"

"His nephew died a while back." Lowe explained. "He had a similar sense of humor to yours, and the same confidence. I believe you remind him of Benedict, and it brings the pain of losing him back whenever he sees you. That may be why he takes out a lot of those feelings on you."

"That doesn't explain him leaving me to die."

"Ernest is afraid." Lowe said. "The reason he is so stern with people is because he is afraid to show his weaknesses. You would probably jump off the edge of a burning building to save someone, with no hesitation. Ernest doesn't have the kind of bravery you do. He left you because he feared he would put his own life in jeopardy by saving yours."

Perry frowned. "He doesn't seem like a coward… but I guess he kind of looked freaked out back there."

"Perry?" Herman poked his head through the door. "There's two platypuses, a dog, and a coyote in the front hall. They want to see you."

"Who are they?" Perry asked.

Herman shrugged and left.

Perry turned to Lowe. "I don't believe I ever thanked you for saving my life. Thanks."

Lowe smiled. "No problem."

* * *

Perry entered the front hallway.

"Someone wanted to see me?" He asked Timothy the tortoise.

Timothy pointed at the group in front of them.

"Rem?" Perry asked, surprised. "Remy, what are you doing here? With Sneakers? And who are these two?"

"This is Truth and Minnie." Remy said. "They're kids of Royal Guard members."

The coyote pup was shaking so much Perry had almost mistaken it for a Chihuahua.

"Rem, what happened?"

Remy's voice shook slightly. "Mom's in trouble. Royal Guard... they need help."


	6. Chapter 6

"Where are they?" Perry asked.

Remy gently touched a bruise on her head. "Royal Guard was plotting against the Renegades for a long time. They were having a kind of paint-and-prank war that just kept getting more dangerous. That's all I know. Then, one day… they busted into our house and kidnapped us."

"They took my father and me to this old abandoned rest stop." Truth said. "Ironic, really, seeing as we live in a-"

"We were the only kids." Remy said. "They locked us in an upper room they added on, planning to kill us since we knew too much. Turns out Sche, the newest member of Royal Guard, was actually a spy for the Renegades. She ratted them out. We cut a hole in the window and escaped. We found a guy to stay with, but some other guy broke into his house and killed him after an hour, so we had to climb out the bathroom window. Then the Renegades chased us into this bar and we found a guy who was willing to drive us down to Danville for ten bucks, but once we got there he demanded ten bucks each and we had to run from him, too. We went to the O.W.C.A to find you, but it was empty, so I thought there had been a rogue attack. Luckily, Travis was there checking if anyone had been left behind in the attack, and he had just been about to leave, so he took us here and… here we are."

Perry's heart sank. He looked over at the small, shivering coyote pup. He then set his gaze on the worried Remy, the furious Truth, and the oblivious Sneakers.

All of them just kids. It broke his heart to think they had to go through all that.

"You've had a hard time. You can sleep in the room I have, if you like." He handed Remy a card. "That's the number and the code to unlock it. No one will hurt you here." He looked at Minnie. "I promise. You're perfectly safe here."

Remy hugged him. He patted her on the back.

"Where's Royal Guard?" He asked again.

"Around Burlap Street in the quad-state area." Remy said. "Abandoned gas station with an angry cow painted on the side."

"Okay." Perry nodded. "I'll go check it out."

"Best disguise yourself." Remy advised.

"As what?"

"A wandering hoodlum."

Perry laughed. "Okay. You four can relax. I'll take it from here."

* * *

It took an hour of driving around to find the rest stop, but Perry managed to do it. It was located about a mile behind the lively Burlap Street, a dingy-looking gas station with black-curtained windows and a picture of a fanged cow on the side. The former gas pumps were covered in graffiti.

Perry reached into his backseat and put on a dark hoodie and jeans he had borrowed from Ferb, along with a pair of black hiking boots from Phineas. He pulled the hood over his head and got out of the hovercar.

He scooped up some dirt from the road and rubbed it onto his face and clothes for good measure. Then he camouflaged the hovercar underneath some dead leaves and approached the gas station.

He heard faint music playing from inside as he got closer. The automatic doors parted for him, revealing the darkness within.

The only lights were colored ones blinking on and off with the loud music. There was a certain smell about the place that Perry didn't recognize, but it made him feel lightheaded.

"Where are you from?" Someone asked.

Perry felt like the breath had been knocked from his body. The person speaking to him was _gorgeous_. She was a tall, pale pink pig, with beautiful bright eyes and a pretty snout. Perry couldn't talk for a moment.

...And realized this was Sche.

He narrowed his eyes. "I'm on my own."

Sche gave him a beautiful smile. It didn't faze Perry. This was the girl who had put his children in danger. Stabbed his girlfriend in the back.

"That's the best way to be, isn't it?" She said. "No other people holding you back, I get it. Well, enjoy, Loner."

Perry walked forward. The rest stop had no shelves inside, so it was basically one big room. It didn't take long to find Prince, standing behind a counter, arguing with a shady-looking man on the other side.

Perry pulled his hood more over his face and sat down in one of the chairs.

"…shut up and drink your milk." Prince snapped. "And cut the cheesy talk. You know it makes me mad."

Perry snapped his fingers.

"Wait your turn, loser."

"I don't like to wait."

Prince froze for a moment, and Perry knew she had recognized his voice.

She pulled him toward her as though threatening him, speaking in a low voice. "You got any cash on you? Memory. Tortoise. Tell him you need to talk to me about a debt. Offer money."

She released him and bent down behind the counter. A scuzzy-looking sheep nudged him in the side.

"Don't make her mad." He said. "She may be pretty, but she's far from an angel."

Perry climbed down from his seat and went over to the first tortoise he saw.

The tortoise frowned at him. "I haven't seen you before. You a new face? Who do you ride with?"

"I'm on my own." Perry replied.

"Name?"

"Loner." Perry said. He tried to think of the best way to ask for what he needed. "That girl there." He pointed at Prince. "I'd like to talk to her about a little something she owes me."

"Hm. Her time is valuable." The tortoise smiled. "About a buck-a-minute valuable. You got the money?"

Perry handed him ten dollars. The tortoise examined them carefully.

"Fine." He said. "You've got here, the bathrooms, or the back room, but you're not allowed to take her off the premises. Ten minutes. You got that?"

Perry nodded, trying to restrain the urge to punch the tortoise in the face.

"Pleasure doin' business with you." The tortoise said. He went over to Prince and unchained her from the wall behind the counter. Then he dragged her over to Perry and ambled away.

Perry led her over to one of the bathrooms. They went inside and locked the door.

Prince folded her arms. "What took you so long?"

"He's been auctioning you off?" Perry asked her furiously.

"No. You're figuring out how to collect a debt, remember? He's got cameras." Prince narrowed her eyes. "That's why I'm not hugging you right now."

"Cameras in the bathroom?"

"Memory's got no heart, but even he knows where to draw the line." Prince said. "That's why he won't let you take me out. That... and you could be helping me escape."

"I'm getting you out of here."

"You can't just run off with me. They don't call that tortoise Memory for nothing. He'll know your face after two seconds. He'll track you down."

"I just hate seeing you all chained up..."

"Well, you could just tell him the truth and pay him off. But it'd probably be pretty expensive."

"For a dollar a minute, I'd assume so." Perry said. "What about the rest of Royal Guard?"

"I doubt there's a bulk discount." Prince said.

"Yeah… but… there's gotta be SOME way to get you out of here. He can't just keep you forever."

"There is a way." Prince said. "You'd just have to be rich to do it."

"Isn't there something he wants more than money? Anything else that'd convince him to let you all go?"

"One thing, but good luck finding it." Prince said.

"What is it?"

"Generations back before Memory, the Renegades' symbol of pride was a cow pendant won in a fight between their gang and an old gang called The Milkers. The cow pendant was stolen from Memory's father, and no one knows where it went. If you got Memory that pendant, I bet he'd give you the whole entire rest stop."

"And Royal Guard."

"That includes Royal Guard, dimwit." Prince shook her head. "It's all right. Mally and I have been thinking up escape plans. We'll probably find something soon enough."

"I'm getting that pendant." Perry said.

"There's a reason the Renegades never found it." Prince warned. "Because it's IMPOSSIBLE. TO. FIND."  
"And I'll find it." Perry insisted.

"You're really cute right now." Prince said fondly. "You should dress like that more often."

"Like a dirty gangster? Yeah, I'm adorbs."

"The pendant matches the cow on the front of the rest stop. It has an R on its belly." Prince said.

"I'll find it."

"You won't, but I just want you to know what it looks like if you find it. Which you won't."

Perry sighed. "I'll find it. I'll get you out of this rotten place. I promise."

"I'm smiling at you on the inside."

"Prince? Promise me one thing. After you get out of here…"

"Yeah?"

"Get out of this life. I hate seeing you like this. You're not happy. Just… get out of the gang life. It's not safe for you, or our children… you'll be so much healthier, and happier, and have a better life. I promise."

Prince sighed deeply. "I can't."

"You can, Prince."

"How would you quit the agency?" Prince demanded.

"It's not like that, Prince."

"It's exactly like that. How would you quit the agency? Would you send a letter to ALL the villains telling them you quit and that they shouldn't bother you anymore? That they shouldn't trap you or try to chase you down? Who would believe you? They'd think it was a trap. You would always have to be on the lookout. On the run. You can't ever quit the agency. And I can't ever leave this life. I'm always going to have people who want me dead on my tail, and I have to defend myself. I have to defend my post. I lost my chance when I joined the Silencers. And I regret that. But I don't regret what came out of it… Crusher, you… and finally feeling like I belong somewhere."

She gritted her teeth.

"After Rem was born, I started thinking about that." Prince mumbled. "How nice it would be to just... be myself. Live like a normal person. To come home at night and know everything was fine and safe… come home to a real house, where I could just nap on the couch instead of lying awake in my bed with my gun where I can reach it..."

"We'll find a way." Perry said. "We'll make it happen."

* * *

As soon as he got back to the O.W.C.A base, Perry called Phineas.

"Hi, Perry!" Phineas said happily. "Guess what we're doing?"

Perry listened to the background noise. "…feeding a whale?"

"No. Oh, that is kind of what it sounds like. No, we're helping dad build a new birdbath."

"And by that you mean you're building a new birdbath?"

"Yeah." Phineas said. "Dad fell asleep an hour ago."

"The birds are going to love it." Ferb said, his voice faint in the distance. "Like a thousand moons and a million suns."

"A million suns would burn you up, Ferb."

"Not if they were far away from the earth."

"Can I talk, or are you guys gonna keep debating about whether or not Ferb would catch on fire?"

"My shoe caught on fire once." Phineas said. "In kindergarten. My teacher had to put it out with a fire extinguisher. Then she quit the next day. I don't know why."

"I remember Miss Marcie." Ferb said. "She helped me when I accidentally glued my hands to the table."  
"Oh yeah! And remember that time when I accidentally glued myself to the chair? She helped me that time too."

"Remember when we glued our backs together?"

"Oh yeah! And then that time when we glued the glue bottle to the microwave and it spit out a spark and… oh, that was the time my shoe caught fire."

"We liked glue back in kindergarten." Ferb said.

"…I see." Perry said nervously. "Please stay away from glue and fire in my absence."


	7. Chapter 7

"And that's how you make cheese strudel." The man on the television said.

"Lovely." Perry said, sticking a square of chocolate into his mouth.

"All right, Perry." Devon stormed into the room and stood by the television. Pinky stood next to him. "We have come to a decision."

"Finally. I was afraid you'd never decide on what breakfast cereal you liked best."

Devon looked at Pinky. "We never did get that resolved, did we?"

Pinky rolled his eyes. "Never mind that, Devon. Anyway, the point is… we've noticed you haven't been yourself lately."

"Oh, right. I forgot to tell you. I'm actually Regina Lynde."

"Who the heck is Regina Lynde?" Pinky asked.

"Me." Perry said.

Pinky shook his head. "This is no time for joking, Perry. We've noticed things."

"That's new."

"You mope around all day, you listen to the same audiobook every night, you avoid eye contact with everyone and you rarely eat. But when you DO eat, you're eating your weight in dark chocolate."

"So?" Perry spat. "And I'm not eating my weight in chocolate, I'm eating EDIE'S weight in chocolate, thank you very much!" He snapped off another piece and broke it in half with his teeth.

"What's wrong, Perry?" Pinky said gently. "We want to help you."

"You're insulting my chocolate consumption. That's what's wrong."

Pinky threw his hands in the air. "Fine, Perry. Whatever."

Perry pulled the covers up and bit into another piece of chocolate.

"You know," Devon said quietly. "He might be homesick."  
"Oh." Pinky said, his eyes widening. "Oh. Why didn't I think of that? Of course… we've been here quite a while."

"Um, guys? I can still hear you." Perry said.

"I have an idea." Devon clapped his paws. "Let's take Perry out for a night on the town."

"WHAT town? We're at the base." Perry said. "And I'd much rather stay in bed."

"We'll go to a restaurant and whatever fun place we find around here." Devon proposed.

"Good idea." Pinky said. "That'll help get you out of your funk, Perry. Come on!"

"Hey, you know what else we could do?" Perry said. "Sit in bed and eat chocolate."

Much to his annoyance, Pinky and Devon hoisted him up and carried him out of the room.

* * *

"I love this place." Devon said. "And not just because it's called Devonna's. This was the place that Pinky and I went to after our first mission."

Perry took a sip of his milkshake and frowned.

"This milkshake tastes bad." Perry said.

"Mine tastes good." Devon said brightly.

"How can a milkshake taste bad?" Pinky asked.

"I dunno." Perry made a face. "They probably tried to poison it or something. Are you sure this is a trustworthy restaurant? Maybe they secretly hate you guys, and you never told me. You probably didn't tip them last time, and now they're going to kill me in revenge. Will you cry at my funeral?"

Pinky sighed. "Are you not enjoying this restaurant, Perry?"

"I'd much rather be sitting in bed, eating my chocolate, and watching mindless television." Perry said.

"That's all gonna change." Devon took a big swig of his milkshake and threw his arms out wide. "Because you're gonna have so much fun tonight! I guarantee you'll thank us when we get back."

"That's a pretty big guarantee, Davis." Perry said.

"Who's Davis?" Pinky asked. "Who are you referencing?"

Perry frowned and pointed at Devon. "Him."

Pinky and Devon looked at each other. Perry didn't know why they were so confused. Devon's name had always been Davis.

"Anyway, after this, we're gonna go to a movie." Pinky said. "And you can make fun of it all you want."

"We just want you to not be homesick, Perry." Devon said kindly.

"Homes can get sick?" Perry asked, beginning to get worried. "Is my sick home homesick?"

Pinky frowned. "Are you okay, Perry?"

"I'm fine… no wait, my name's Perry, not fine. I'm Perry." Perry tried to steady himself against the table.

"You look a little… maybe drink some more milkshake." Pinky said. "Do you feel like you're gonna fall down?"

Perry drank the rest of his milkshake. "No… just like normal except you're very talking weird. However that sentence goes."

A squirrel hopped over to their table. "Hello, I'm Randall Beans, and I'm taking a survey. Would you care to…" He looked at Devon, who was drawing a face in his milkshake. "Oh, is he a little…"

"No, he's always like that." Pinky said. "This guy though…" He pointed at Perry. "He's acting funny."

The squirrel looked confused, but he quickly recovered and turned to face Perry. "Nice hat there. All three of you part of some club or something?"

Perry frowned, trying very hard to remember which hat he had on his head. He took it off and looked at it. "Oh… this is a hat that has felt on it. Yeah, it's mine. Not a cowboy's or anything." Perry put it back on his head.

"You don't think the restaurant put something in his shake by accident, do you?" Devon asked.

"I don't think he'd get like this over one milkshake." Pinky said. "Unless they put a LOT in there by accident. Next time the waiter comes by, I'll ask him."

"You guys part of a club?" Randall asked again.

"No." Perry shook his head. "Clubs are those things on cards. Am I on a playing card? Nooo. Stupid."

Randall frowned.

"Um… maybe you should try someone else for your survey." Pinky said. "He's not exactly… in his right mind right now. Where's that stupid waiter?"

"What's this?" Randall asked, pointing at Perry's wrist communicator.

"It's a backpack." Perry said. "No wait… this isn't my back. It's an armpack."

"It's a watch." Pinky said. "And Perry, please stop talking."

"It's not a WATCH." Perry rolled his eyes. "I'm not WATCHING it. Stupid." He snickered a little.

"Perry, is something seriously wrong, or are you just messing with us?" Pinky asked.

"You put your right leg in, you put your right leg out…" Perry began to put his arm in and out. "You put your right leg in, and you shake it all about…"  
"Okay, he's definitely crazy. I'm sorry, sir." Pinky stood up. "We're gonna have to get him home."

Devon picked up Perry's empty milkshake glass and peered in it.

"I could drive you." Randall offered.

"Oh, no." Pinky said quickly. "We'll just go on our own. Thank you."

Randall turned and left.

Devon held up a tiny pill. "I found this at the bottom of his glass."

"So you think someone purposefully made him act like this?"

Devon frowned as he examined it. "Looks like those truth serum pills the agency developed a while ago. They were designed to make rogue agents feel calm enough to spill all their secrets, but if you gave someone the wrong dosage, they'd act… well, like Perry is acting. This dose is for dogs. Which would explain his behavior."

"Maybe one of the agents put it in the glass, expecting it to be delivered to a rogue here." Pinky said.

They looked glumly at each other, trying to figure out what to do.

Perry's voice startled them out of their thoughts. "ONE MORE TIME! You put your right head in, you put your right head out…"

"We'd better get him back, or he'll kill us tomorrow." Pinky said.

Devon attempted to put Perry's arm over his shoulder.

"What are you doing?" Perry demanded, glaring at Devon. "Can't you see I'm trying to dance?"

"I'm helping you walk." Devon said.

Perry pulled his arm away. "I can WALK." He said, beginning to walk backwards. "I can even walk backwards. I'm walking backwards like any normal person."

Perry tripped over a chair and crashed to the floor. "I fall. Who put this chair next to this table? Who DOES that?"

"You fell." Pinky corrected.

"Well, OBVIOUSLY I fell." Perry sneered. "I wouldn't be on the floor otherwise, dope."

"He's very condescending when he's... whatever this is." Pinky said. He and Devon hoisted Perry up and carried him out of the restaurant.

"I know you're at a disadvantage right now, Perry, but promise me you won't be mad at us tomorrow." Pinky said.

"Oh, I'm gonna be mad." Perry giggled. "Tomorrow I will kill you. But right now I'm too busy being carried. I wanted to walk." Perry squirmed out of their grip and fell down on the sidewalk, where he promptly fell asleep.

They attempted to pick him up again.

"No." Perry said.

"Come on, Perry. We just gotta get you back to base. Come on." Pinky said gently.

"No, let mom sleep. You're mean. I hate you. Leave me alone."

Pinky picked his front half up, and Devon lifted the back half.

"Don't be angry, Perry." Perry said to himself before drifting off again.

"It's like moving a dead body." Devon said.

"He's gonna kill us." Pinky said.

"Well, it wasn't our fault. We didn't put the thing in his drink."

"If we'd just let him stay and eat chocolate, he wouldn't have drunk the thing at all." Pinky said. "And he's gonna hold that against us."

"At least he didn't go lonely tonight." Devon said.

"Yeah."

"Pinky… the tablet was for a dog. Do you think someone meant it to be for one of us? Like… a rogue?"

Pinky snapped his fingers, nearly dropping Perry in the process. "That squirrel! Randall! He was going to ask YOU questions, but then he focused on Perry… and kept asking him questions that prompted an O.W.C.A-related answer! Good thing he was too out of it to respond correctly."

"He's gonna kill us tomorrow." Devon said.

"Yes, yes he is."

* * *

"I'm gonna KILL YOU." Perry snapped.

"Good to see you conscious again." Pinky said nervously.

"If you had just let me STAY HERE like I wanted to, I would have been perfectly happy eating away my sorrows and watching television, instead of going out of my mind and doing the hokey-pokey in front of a packed restaurant!"

"Well, you did seem happier. So that worked, right?" Devon asked.

"YOU IDIOT!" Perry grabbed Devon and got in his face. "DO I LOOK HAPPIER TO YOU?"

"Well, to be honest, no."

"I'm done with you." Perry shoved him away and crawled back into bed. "BOTH of you. Pinky, I understand that you have Help-Perry-itus, but you're DRIVING ME CRAZY! And Dev… ugh, never mind." Perry pulled the covers over his head. "Look, I appreciate that you realize I'm depressed and homesick, but there's nothing you can do."

"Nothing?" Pinky asked.

"You could bring me some more dark chocolate and switch the television off the cooking channel. But that's about it."

"You do realize the remote's right next to you?" Pinky said.

"Well, Herman couldn't change it the first couple of days, and after that… it just seemed kind of strange to touch the remote. Like it was not a will of the universe to switch from the cooking channel. But I actually know how to cook three things now, and that's how I know I've watched WAAY too much."

Pinky changed the channel for him. Perry gave a sigh of relief as an old sitcom came on. "Thank you."

"May I make a suggestion?" Pinky said. "Why don't you call the boys at some point today? Hearing their voices may help you be less homesick."

"Yeah… okay." Perry said. "They haven't answered in a while… but maybe they will soon. I'll try it. Thanks."

"ONE MORE TIME!" Devon said suddenly, doubled over with laughter. "You put your left foot in…"

Perry threw a pillow at him.


	8. Chapter 8

"Hi, Perry! Guess what? There were fireworks in Danville last night! They were so cool! They were blue and green and red and yellow and there was one silvery-purple one that burst right when we least expected it. Oh, and Sparky the pyromaniac firedog was there too, and he kept trying to light the spectators on fire with his sparklers. You should have seen how his eyes lit up when they burst, it was almost like watching a second firework. Oh, and then Ferb lit a big firework and Sparky put it in front of the snack stand and that caught on fire and Sparky put it out. No one got hurt. If they had, I would have sounded sad. But I'm happy because it was such a happy day! Why'd you call, by the way? Are you coming home?"

"Aw, I'm so glad it was fun, Phin." Perry said. "And I'm glad none of the spectators actually caught fire."

"Well, Michael Bentley, the grocer, did, but the fireman put it out. It only burned his pants."

"Poor Michael Bentley."

"Oh, he didn't care. He catches on fire all the time. You sound sad, Perry. Are you okay?"

"I'm just a little homesick. I miss being there with you guys."

"Aww, well, we miss you too, Perry. But try to have fun anyway. I remember once when this guy escaped from jail and we had to put the whole house in lockdown and Ferb and I pretended we were spies in a secret base, but Bucky kept following us and barking at us, which kind of ruined the whole thing. But you have the real thing, Perry! You really ARE a spy in a secret base, hiding from rogues! That's so cool!"

Perry sighed. Phineas would think anything from a talking banana to a heart transplant was cool. "Yeah. I guess. I just… I miss waking up in your room… and eating breakfast in the kitchen… and sitting on Lawrence's lap while he reads the paper in his favorite armchair… and crawling into the laundry basket when the laundry's still warm from the dryer… and…" Perry felt tears coming to his eyes. "…a lot of things."

"Oh." Phineas said. "Yeah. Well, anytime you want to, Perry, call us."

"I just want to go home." Perry said, his voice wobbling a little.

"You can come home if you want to." Phineas said.

"That's the first place they'd look, and they'd destroy everything if I was there. We've already had a few attempts on the base itself. …How did you manage to cover for me, by the way?"

"Ferb hypnotized mom and dad into thinking a pillow is you." Phineas said. "It's working pretty good. Except we have to keep pouring your breakfast back into the can to make it look like the pillow ate it. When you get back, we'll un-hypnotize them."

"…I see no way that could go wrong."

"Well, it could get a little risky if mom takes the pillow in to get its rabies shot. I dunno if we'd be able to come along and hypnotize the vet, too."

"Don't worry, I'll probably be back way before then. How's Ferb doing?"

"He's fine. He went rollerblading with Django."

"Without you?"

"I have a stomachache. I'm in bed."

"You're not sick, are you?"

"No, mom thinks it was probably from the restaurant we ate at last night."

"Well, it's a shame Ferb isn't there. I wanted to talk to him."

"He doesn't say much on the phone anyway." Phineas said. "But I'll tell him to call you when he gets back."

"Thanks." Perry said. "How's Candace?"

"I dunno." Phineas said. "CANDACE, HOW ARE YOU?"

"YOU ARE SO BUSTED IF YOU'RE BUILDING ANYTHING RIGHT NOW, PHINEAS!" Came the reply.

"She's fine." Phineas said. "I have to go, though. It's hard for me to talk with this stomachache."

"Okay. I love you."

"I love you too, boy."

"Take it easy."

Perry hung up and closed his eyes. Without Phineas's voice to fill the void of emptiness in his heart, he felt lonelier than ever.

* * *

"I bought six lottery tickets." Peter the panda said cheerfully, sitting down next to Perry at the breakfast bar.

Perry glared at him. "You gambled away half your savings last month. You need to stop."

"This isn't gambling." Peter said. "It's just buying more potential money. Can I borrow a quarter? I need to scratch these off."

"I'm not putting my money in YOUR paws."

Peter turned to Trevor the Doberman. "You got a quarter?"

Trevor pulled a quarter out of his pocket and handed it to Peter. "Go nuts."

"Thanks." Peter began scratching off his lottery tickets.

Perry rolled his eyes and poked at his scrambled eggs.

"I won two dollars!" Peter said happily.

"Good for you." Perry muttered.

Monogram clapped his hands from behind the bar. "I've noticed a lot of you are looking glum. I know being here is kind of boring, so we have decided that we're going to play a game together."

The new recruits cheered.

The more experienced agents went back to what they were doing.

"Come on, guys." Monogram said. "It'll be fun. Let's play Who Am I Thinking Of. One of you will come up and write traits of an agent on this markerboard, and we'll try to guess who it is. Agent M? Would you like to go first?"

Twenty agents stood up.

"No, no. I was talking to Agent M." Monogram said. "Maple the meerkat."

Maple padded over and picked up the marker. She erased the breakfast list off of the markerboard and began to write her own list.

 **MUSICAL**

 **PRETTY**

 **SHY**

"Manfred Freeny." Peter called out.

"Charlisse." Darren said.

"My cow." Perry said.

Maple frowned and shook her head. She wrote one last thing on the list.

 **SKITTISH**

"CARRIE!" All the agents called out.

Maple nodded and wrote Carrie's name on the markerboard.

"Very good, agents." Monogram said. "Now, Carrie, would you like to go next?"

Carrie shook her head rapidly and covered her face with her paws.

"Lodi?" Monogram called. "You want to give it a try?"

The agents looked over at Lodi the fennec fox, who was reading a magazine and not paying the least bit of attention to Monogram.

Lowe touched his twin gently on the shoulder. "Lodi. You're next."

"Gosh, don't sneak up on a person like that!" Lodi spat, snapping out of her trance and smacking him over the head with her magazine.

Lowe didn't respond. He simply pointed at the markerboard.

Lodi stormed over and grabbed the marker from Monogram. She scribbled the entire breakfast list back on the board.

"My food!" Peter called out. "Did I get it right?"

Monogram sighed. "All right. After you all finish eating, I expect you to all get some fun exercise. Agents A through G, go play together in the yard outside. Agents H through Z, play together in the pool. That's an order."

* * *

Perry floated in the middle of the pool on an inflatable chair. It wasn't technically exercise, but there wasn't any room in the pool to actually swim. Agents H through Z were all splashing, playing and fighting in the water around him.

"I can hold my breath underwater for ten whole hours."

"Nuh-uh."

"Yuh-huh."

"MARCO!"

"POLO!"

"No, I'm looking for Marco the marlin."

"I know. I'm looking for Polo the polar bear."

"MARCO!"

"STOP CHEWING MY FLOATIE NOODLE!"

"Lionel popped my beach ball!"

"Are we allowed to pee in the pool?"

"I'm being rebellious and not swimming with a buddy."  
Perry growled and put his hands over his ears. It was hard enough to get peace and quiet around only a few agents.

Being with over half of them was awful.

A baby zebra that was chasing after an ocelot nearly rammed into Perry's chair.

"Watch it." Perry snapped. "If this thing turns over…"

"GEWONIMO!" Baby Ned shouted, leaping into the water from a diving board. A tiny splash sounded. A few drops of water landed on some surrounding agents.

"How did he climb the ladder?" Someone asked. "He doesn't have feet!"

A boombox sailed innocently by on a floating tray, blasting tropical music.

A beach ball flew through the air and hit Perry in the head. Perry tossed it back angrily.

"Hey, Perry, dude!" Rocky the raccoon said, popping up next to Perry's chair. "What's shakin' in the crib?"

"Hopefully a baby and not a huge critter with fangs." Perry said.

"What?" Rocky asked.

"Look, Rocky. I'm surrounded by loud and I already woke up on the wrong side of the bed. Please don't talk to me right now."

"How can you wake up on the wrong side of a bed, dude?" Rocky asked. "I mean, unless you were on a bunk bed or something and fell off the side without a ladder. Then I totally hear ya."

A shadow crossed over the entire pool.

"SWIM AWAY!" Ilana the ibis yelled, swimming past them. "HENRIETTA IS ABOUT TO DO A DIVE!"

Perry looked up toward the diving board. Henrietta the hippo was standing on the diving board. It creaked dangerously.

Henrietta began to lift her front feet.

"NO, HENRIETTA, NO!" The agents screamed. Everyone began paddling over each other in an attempt to get away.

Henrietta leaped and plummeted into the water. Perry shot upward with it, his entire world a mess of water and other agents.

The water crashed back down, cushioning his fall. Perry rode the water onto the concrete around the pool. Polly the parrot crashed into him.

Henrietta the hippo gave a satisfied groan.

* * *

"Maybe we shouldn't force the agents to do things together." Monty suggested.

"I know what's best for them, son." Monogram said, bandaging Perry's arm. "And I think this socialization and exercise really cheered them up."

Monty looked toward the other agents waiting in line to be patched up by Monogram.

"Yeah, dad. Sure."

"Tell Carl to refill the pool."  
Perry cringed as Monogram taped a bandage onto his forehead.

"Oh, it doesn't hurt that bad. You didn't even need stitches this time." Monogram patted him on the back. "All good. You can go."

Perry hopped down and padded away. He gave a sympathetic look to Yves the yak, who was completely covered in bandages.

"Henrietta sure knows how to liven up a party." Pinky said, falling into step beside Perry.

"She surely does." Perry said. "Good thing her best friend Ilana warned us, or we'd have probably needed…"

Perry stopped.

"Needed what?" Pinky asked.

"Pinky… Ilana is Henrietta's best friend. Henrietta always looks for a clear spot to dive. But her shadow fell directly over Ilana."

Pinky frowned. "That is weird. Henrietta loves Ilana. She wouldn't deliberately try to land on her."

"Unless…" Perry looked at him. "That wasn't really Ilana."

Pinky shook his head. "Henrietta would have told us if she suspected an agent was an imposter, wouldn't she?"

"Henrietta can't talk, Pinky. She speaks a very rare dialect of hippo. No one can understand her."

They both froze.

"There's a rogue loose in the base." Perry said. "A rogue who can tell others exactly where this base is. More may be coming."


	9. Chapter 9

Perry scrambled down the hall. He could see Ilana very clearly now. Just a few more steps…

The other agents he and Pinky had alerted closed in around her. Perry filled in the last space.

She was surrounded.

Ilana frowned. "Is there a problem?" She asked.

Perry noticed that the rogue ibis's eyes were green instead of blue.

"Yes, there is." Perry said. "You're not Ilana. Now who are you? And what have you done with her?"

The ibis sighed. She reached into her pocket and pulled out a deadly-looking weapon with a spiked wheel on the end.

A few of the agents took a step back.

"My name is Ivy." She said. "And it's a little late for this now. The rogues are already on their way."

"How did you find us?" Pinky demanded.

"Easy." Ivy said, looking bored. "We were alerted to your location by tracking someone on the outside. It's surprising no one noticed we attached a tracking device on that dogwolfthing before she left the original agency."

 _Minnie_. Perry thought.

"Now, who shall I slice up first?" Ivy asked. "Or are you all going to be nice and let me out of this little circle of friendship?"

* * *

"What are you doing, Ferb?" Phineas asked.

"Organizing my cow collection." Ferb said. He pulled a pink plastic cow out of a cardboard box and set it next to another pink cow.

"Oh, so this is 'your cow'. Do you want help?" Phineas asked.

"Sure. The pink cows go in that pile, the blue cows go in that pile, the smiling cows in that pile and the hybrid cows in that pile."

They began to sort plastic and stuffed cows in silence.

"Where'd you get this one? It looks mean." Phineas held up a necklace with an angry-looking fanged cow on it.

Ferb shrugged. "Somewhere along the road of life. I don't have a mean cow pile. You hang onto it for a sec."

Phineas shrugged and slipped the necklace over Ferb's head. "How long have you been collecting cows?"

"Since my cow." Ferb said.

Phineas rolled his eyes.

"Actually, these are just some cows Buford had. He wanted me to sort them." Ferb said.

"Why'd you tell me they were your cows?"

"Buford doesn't want anyone to know he collects cows."

* * *

"Where's Ilana?" Manfred Freeny asked, taking care to step out of Ivy's line of fire.

"Stop with the Ilana business." Ivy yawned. "She's NOT coming back. So just shut up and get out of the way."

An enraged, mournful groan sounded.

Then the ground began to shake.

The agents turned.

Henrietta the hippo was running full-force toward Ivy. The agents panicked and scrambled out of the way.

"I'm armed!" Ivy screamed, holding up her weapon. Henrietta didn't seem to care. She slammed into Ivy.

The weapon flew through the air… and landed in Dennis the rabbit's paw.

"Good to see you all again." Dennis said smugly.

He fired. Perry ducked to avoid the chainsaw-blade wheel as it soared toward his head. It streaked around the room before coming back to Dennis. A few agents cried out in fear, but no one appeared to have been hurt.

Dennis reached into his pocket and pulled out a second weapon.

The agents didn't hesitate.

Perry ran down the hall, blades whirring above and around him. He reached into his pocket and pulled out a lasergun.

He turned and fired at Dennis's weapons. They melted into nothingness, and the spiked wheels crashed to the floor.

"I'M NOT DONE WITH YOU!" Dennis snarled.

Perry yanked open the stairwell door and ran up the stairs. He pressed his fingers into the side of his watch.

* * *

The lamp on Phineas's bedside table began to flicker.

Ferb frowned at it. "That's weird. I thought we configured that bulb to last forever."

"We did." Phineas said, beginning to panic. "But last month I configured it to blink whenever Perry's in trouble."

Ferb looked at him.

"I noticed there was a button on Perry's watch that he used only for emergencies. It was supposed to alert Monogram and stuff." Phineas explained. "I connected it to the lamp because… that way, when Perry was gone, I wouldn't have to worry… because I knew the lamp would be okay as long as he was okay. It's nice to know when he's safe."

Ferb's eyes narrowed.

It scared Phineas. He couldn't understand Ferb's expression. It wasn't one he had ever seen before.

"You're… you're mad… at me." Phineas said. He swallowed.

"Yeah, I'm mad. Why didn't you tell me? Why didn't you let me help?"

"I'm sorry, Ferb… but look, we can't do this now. Perry's in trouble."

Ferb nodded. His expression softened.

"And… and I don't know where he is or how to help him." Phineas said, tears coming to his eyes. "I feel so helpless. I mean, he's probably gonna be okay… Monogram will come, right? I just… what if he's really hurt?"

Ferb thought for a moment.

Then he picked up his phone and pressed a few buttons.

"Ferb, what are you doing?" Phineas asked.

Ferb held the phone to his ear.

"Ferb?"

Ferb hung up and went over to their window. He opened it and peered out.

"You ready?"

"For what?" Phineas asked nervously.

Ferb grabbed him and jumped out of the window. They landed on top of a large, short-haired animal.

Ferb set Phineas down behind him and hugged the animal around the neck.

"Ferb?" Phineas asked. "Ferb?"

"Brother," Ferb said. "I'd like you to meet my cow."

* * *

"IT'S AN EMERGENCY!" Monogram shouted, running around the room with his arms over his head.

"Sir, maybe we should try to calm down." Carl said. "And think about the best response to the situation."

"The best response is always to panic!" Monogram said. He grabbed the microphone and began to speak to the agents over the loudspeaker system. "WE'RE DOOMED! RUN IN MASS CHAOS TOWARD THE NEAREST EXIT! RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!"

Carl grabbed the microphone. "Please proceed calmly to the nearest exit. Assist new recruits and older agents. This is not a drill."

"IT IS NOT DRILL!" Monogram shouted. "RUN! RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!"

"Sir…"

"RUNNN!"

* * *

Ferb's cow was very fast.

She blasted down the street. The cold night air was painful at such a high speed, and Phineas tried to block most of it by pressing his head into Ferb's back.

"Ow. You're pointy." Ferb said.

"Ferb, where'd you get this cow?"

"Brother, when we met, we agreed that we were allowed to have exactly one secret from each other."

"Yeah?"

"This is that secret." Ferb said. "I can't tell you."

"Am I allowed to know the cow exists?"

"Yes, but not why I own it or why it can run and fly. Those things must remain my secret."

Phineas frowned. "The cow… can _fly_?"

"Why, yes. Show him, Olivia."

The cow leapt into the air. They rose higher and higher until Danville was just a tiny circle of blinking lights.

"What's your secret?" Ferb asked.

Phineas laughed. "Not telling. But how is your cow going to help Perry?"

"Olivia does tricks." Ferb said. He reached into his pocket and produced a hanky with tiny teal hairs on it. "Olivia, find Perry."

Olivia sniffed the hanky and gave a loud moo.

They began to rapidly descend.

"Hold on tight." Ferb said.

They streaked downward, steadily increasing speed.

"Ferb?"

"Yes?"

"Are you never going to tell me about the cow?"

Ferb thought for a moment.

"You're my brother. My best friend. One day." He said. "One day I will."

* * *

"I've waited a long time for this." Dennis said.

Perry swerved to avoid his punch and kicked him in the knee. "To get hit in the leg?"

"To BEAT! YOU! SENSELESS!" Dennis snarled, throwing a punch with each word. Perry dodged all three of them.

"Hasn't attempting to take over the O.W.C.A gotten boring by now?" Perry asked, swinging his foot at Dennis's head. Dennis avoided the attack.

"Fifteen times we've tried." Dennis said. "We will not stop until we succeed."

"Fifteenth time's the charm." Perry said sarcastically, sidestepping out of Dennis's way as another punch flew toward him.

"You DO realize how strong I am, don't you, Perry?" Dennis said. "If I manage to hit you, you could break a bone."

"Manage to." Perry snickered. But Dennis was backing him against a wall, and he knew it.

If Perry could slip past him on the left side quick enough… if someone came to back him up… if he could just distract Dennis for one second…

 _SMASH!_

The wall next to Perry shattered into rubble.

In the rubble stood a large, snorting cow with two human boys on its back.

"Boys!" Perry shouted. "What are you doing here?"

Phineas grabbed Perry's hand and pulled him onto the cow's back.

The cow began to run. It shot past Dennis and tore down the stairs.

"Ferb?" Perry asked nervously. "Just to clarify, this is…"

"My cow." Ferb said matter-of-factly.

"Her name's Olivia." Phineas said.

"What… how did… Ferb?!"

"Don't ask." Ferb said. "I'm not telling."

Olivia mooed.

"She says the rogues have placed explosives around the base and are planning to blow it up." Ferb said.

"How do you speak cow?" Perry asked.

"Ferb speaks lots of languages." Phineas said. "Mouse, cow, martian, dinosaur…"

Ferb gave a loud roar.

"That's just creepy." Perry said. "So what are we gonna do about the rogues?"

Ferb grinned. "Surprise 'em, of course. Ride on, Olivia."


	10. Chapter 10

Olivia the cow blasted through the rogues, heading for the front of the O.W.C.A base. Perry held on tightly to Phineas.

He had never imagined riding on a cow would be so fun. It wasn't comfortable in the least, but it was fun. The wind seared past them, rogues ran screaming in all directions, and animal agents cheered as Olivia zoomed toward her target.

"So here's Olivia's plan." Ferb said. "We head to the front of the base, where the explosive systems have been set up. We guard while Perry switches them off. Then we take back the O.W.C.A. Without the explosives, the rogues have nothing to hold over our heads. Any questions?"

"Yes. Why do you have a cow?" Perry asked.

Ferb smiled. "Not telling. Now, are we ready?"  
Olivia skidded to a stop. Perry hopped off, his legs shaking a little, and went over to the fountain at the front of the base.

The fountain was a statue of Monogram with water spilling from his nose. Brandon the bulldog had built it back before he could tell the difference between the words "Hands" and "Nose". Perry had never liked the statue much.

Perry sat down on the edge of it and tapped his watch. It beeped loudly.

"They must be right here." Perry said. "Good thing I don't like this fountain."

"Don't worry about us." Ferb called, smacking a rogue over the head with a pool noodle. "We'll take care of these kebabs."

"Kebabs?" Perry asked.

"Buh-lowfish." Phineas said.

Perry laughed and set to work attaching a disintegrator to the front of the fountain. He pulled his electronic goggles out from underneath his fedora and put them on.

According to the analysis from the goggles, the main power generator was underneath Monogram's left foot.

"Why do they always use explosives?" Perry muttered to himself. "I feel like all I've ever done in rogue attacks is shut off explosives."

"Explosives are dramatic!" Said a voice from behind.

"Phin, he's got one on his tail!" Ferb said.

"I'm on it." Phineas responded.

Perry heard a blast and a thump behind him. He shook his head and began to concentrate completely on his work.

The disintegrator beeped, and Statue Monogram's left foot melted away, revealing a small little box. Perry pulled a pair of pliers out of his fedora and began cutting the wires.

Olivia mooed.

"She says something's wrong." Ferb said. "Perry, get back on."

"Yeah, something's wrong. I understand cow perfectly, but I don't know what she's saying at all." Perry said.

The ground began to shake. Perry cut the last wire and hopped back up behind Phineas.

Olivia mooed again.

A car zoomed past, out of control. Perry recognized the man yelling in the backseat.

"Of course." Ferb breathed. "The explosives were a diversion."

"They've got Monogram." Perry said. "Everything's lost if they have him."

"Ride, Olivia." Ferb commanded.

Olivia mooed.

"I know. It's dangerous. But we have to." Ferb said.

"That was their plan all along." Perry said. "They took the O.W.C.A, but they let us escape. Dennis knew that escape 599 was only accessible in the main room, where they surrounded us. They knew we would escape to our ONLY base. Now, with us having no place to escape to, they capture him. They'll either capture or kill us all in the confusion. No Major. No place where we are safe. _This_ is the fall of the O.W.C.A."

Both boys looked at Perry.

"Ride." Ferb said quietly.

Olivia blasted forward.

* * *

"There are more explosives here!" Perry had to shout to be heard over the wind. "They're active! We have to be careful!"

"Steady, girl!" Ferb yelled.

Olivia was struggling to keep up with the big black car as it skidded crazily down the twisty road. She mooed in aggravation.

"Where are they?" Phineas asked.

Perry put his goggles back on, keeping one hand wrapped tightly around Phineas's waist. "Go left. Go right. Avoid right. Avoid right. Go right. Avoid the left."

Ferb placed his hand on Olivia's head. "Come on! We can do this!"

"Perry, call some of your buddies!" Phineas said.

"Backup." Ferb said.

Perry pressed the **CALL ALL** button on his watch and spoke into it. "They've got Monogram. Black car. On Twistywhirly Road. License plate COOLBUN2. STOP LAUGHING, Devon! Need backup. Emergency. This is not a drill."

"We're catching up." Ferb said.

"Follow the way it turns." Perry said. "They're avoiding the explosives. That's why they're driving so badly."

Perry heard motorbikes behind them in the distance and knew the backup had come. He hoped they'd be able to catch up to them.

"Backup's here." Perry said.

"Olivia looks tired." Phineas said.

"She's not tired, she's just mad." Ferb said. "Come on, girl. Just a little farther…"

"WATCH OUT!" Perry shouted.

The car had swerved a little too close to the right. Six loud blasts sounded, and rock slammed into his side. Perry fell off of Olivia's back and landed on the side of the road.

Monogram, Dennis and another rogue flew out of the car. Monogram landed on a tree branch and fell to the ground. Dennis was forced to grip onto the edge of where more road had been, hanging over the large chasm the explosions had created.

Olivia teetered and found her balance on a small pebble.

Another explosion.

Olivia and the two boys flew into the air. Smoke and ash clouded everything.

Then it cleared.

Silence.

Perry sat up and stared straight ahead. All he saw was the large chunk of missing land where the cow and the boys had once stood, a deep chasm below, and a small twig that appeared to be on fire.

He coughed out bits of ash and crawled to the edge, staring down at the abyss below.

Everything began to spin. Everything began to explode again with the boys, the cow, Dennis. It exploded again and again until his own conscience was nothing but a charred pile of ashes, and it screamed in pain and agony as his mind whirled back into the present.

And he realized the scream was actually his own.

The people pulling him away from the edge did not matter. They were nothing, just as he was nothing. The world was just one giant explosion, and all it took was a snap of the fingers to blast them all away. He ignored their words, their pleas for him to tell them if he was all right. He drowned out their voices with every sharp breath he took, and the world began to fall apart again. It exploded again. He heard the sound. He saw them fly in the air again. He saw flames. The flames formed into words, burning an old barn down to the ground.

The barn burned, and Perry stood there with a bottle of gasoline in one hand and a match in the other, watching his hatred flare up in the form of a thousand flames. And then he grew slowly older, until he was back in the present, lying on his back, staring up at the smoky sky and the face of Ernest the eagle, and hearing Monogram's voice.

"Agent P. I'm so sorry."

And the world exploded again into darkness.

* * *

"I am SO GLAD your cow can fly." Phineas said.

Ferb laughed. "Yeah, we probably would have died back there if Olivia hadn't caught us. Scary to think."

Phineas frowned. "Do you think Perry's okay?"

"He's probably fine."

"I mean, do you think he knows we're okay?"

"He probably saw us flying away on Olivia's back." Ferb said.

"Probably?"

"We'll go back to the base after we take back the O.W.C.A." Ferb said. "Olivia has a plan to destroy the rogues for all eternity."

"What plan?"  
"Two words: Grape jelly."

"Why don't we use my plan?" Phineas asked. "I've been working on one ever since Perry told us about the rogues."

"Does your plan include grape jelly? I didn't think so. We're using Olivia's."

"Mine will work." Phineas said.

"Okay." Ferb said. "Tell me. And I'll judge whether yours or Olivia's is better."

* * *

"Perry?" Pinky poked his head into the room.

It was dark, the only light source being a small nightlight by the end of the bed. The nightlight was producing pretty colors on a small section of the ceiling. Red, green, blue. Red, green, blue.

Perry was lying on his side in the bed, staring at the wall. He didn't appear to notice Pinky had entered the room.

"Perry, Monogram made you some dinner."

Perry didn't respond.

"Are you hungry?"

Perry merely blinked. He continued to gaze at the wall as though he were seeing something beyond it.

"It's your favorite. Spaghetti."

Pinky waited.

"It's gonna get cold, Perry."

Silence.

"Do you want me to leave it here?"

No response.

"Perry." Pinky said worriedly. "Say something."

Perry breathed deeply and drew the pillow closer to his face.

"Perry, you need to eat something."

There was a long silence.

Finally, Perry gave a sigh and shifted his position. "Not hungry."

"Okay." Pinky said. "I'll just leave it here for when you are."

He set the dish down on a table near the bed and turned to leave.

"Nothing bad ever happens to kids in movies." Perry said softly.

Pinky waited for more, but Perry appeared to have finished speaking. He was back to staring at the wall.

* * *

"I got him to eat three bites!" Peter said proudly. He sat down next to Pinky and began scratching off his lottery tickets. After a second, he paused to look at Pinky.

"Three bites is good. Why do you look sad?"

"Three bites is _pitiful_."

"It's three more than you got him to eat."

"I'm just worried about him." Pinky said.

"He was like this when Terrence died, too." Peter said. "He kept sitting in the dark and locking himself in the bathroom. But he got better."

"He tried to fling himself into that chasm." Pinky said. "If Ernest hadn't grabbed him… he didn't even seem aware of anyone. I just feel like he'll never be the same again."

"He may not." Peter agreed.

They sat in silence.

"Maybe he'll cheer up if I tell him we took back the base." Peter said.

"He KNOWS we took back the base, Peter. He's lying in one of its rooms."

"Oh." Peter said.


	11. Chapter 11

Olivia flew on and on through the clouds.

"I can't believe you actually have a cow." Phineas said. "When you kept saying 'My cow', I thought you were just being random."

Ferb smiled. "I was just being random. But I also do happen to have a cow."

Olivia mooed.

"Ferb, are you still mad at me for not telling you about the lamp?"

Ferb shook his head. "No."

"Good. Hey, I can see our house from here. And Isabella's house. And Baljeet's house. And the mall. And the charred remains of Danville Farm. And the roller-rink. And Little Duffer's. And Ferb, where did your cow come from?"

Ferb laughed. "Nice try."

Phineas laughed too.

Finally, Ferb took a deep breath. "Well, we're all alone. No one here can hear us."

Phineas stopped laughing.

Ferb looked at him sternly. "You understand you're the ONLY person besides me who will know this secret. You and I. The only ones."

"Of course, Ferb." Phineas said.

"Autopilot, Olivia." Ferb told the cow. He turned around on her back to face Phineas, and whispered the tale into his ear.

Phineas's eyes widened as he listened.

"Oh. Wow, Ferb. So this is why you always say you live a double life?"

Ferb nodded.

"Wow." Phineas breathed. He patted Olivia fondly. "Wow. …I… Ferb, I think I'll tell you my secret now. But only you and I can know it."

Ferb nodded. "I don't talk to anyone else, so you've got nothing to worry about."

Phineas whispered his secret into Ferb's ear.

Once he finished, Ferb pulled back and stared at him. Then he started laughing.

"No, seriously, Ferb! It's not a joke!"

Ferb wiped his eyes. "Amazing. I'm glad you told me."

Phineas smiled. "Me too."

Olivia began to descend.

* * *

"Come on, Perry. Why don't you walk around a little?" Pinky coaxed.

"Go away." Perry murmured.

"You got to lie in bed for a whole day. Come on. You need to get up."

"I need to punch you in the face." Perry responded.

"At least he's talking now." Devon whispered to Pinky.

"Help me get him up." Pinky pulled Perry to his feet.

It scared Pinky to see him like this. The light was completely gone from Perry's eyes.

Pinky was determined to get it back.

"Come on. Just get a drink of water." Pinky led him out of the room, followed by a nervous Devon.

They walked Perry into the bathroom and switched on the light. Perry shrank back. "Turn it OFF."

"Your eyes will adjust." Pinky said. He filled a plastic cup up with water and handed it to Perry.

Perry drank only a little bit of it and set the cup back down on the counter.

He looked up and stared at his reflection as though seeing it for the first time.

"Your fur looks a little greasy." Devon commented.

"'Course it's greasy. I've been lying in bed for twenty-six hours." Perry grumbled.

"You could probably take a warm bath if you wanted." Pinky suggested.

"No." Perry said. He pushed past Pinky and began walking unsteadily back into the dark bedroom, where he fell face-first down on the bed.

"Do you at least want to eat something?" Pinky asked.

"I do." Devon said quickly. "I'm gonna go grab something." He scrambled out of the room.

Pinky sat down in the chair next to the bed and stared at Perry.

"I'm sorry, Perry. They were great kids. We're all going to miss them. But it'll be okay. You'll be all right."

"You remember that story?" Perry said, his voice muffled by the pillow. "About that girl that opened the box and all the bad stuff came out?"

Pinky nodded. "Yes. Pandora's Box, right?"

"Yeah…" Perry said. "And… the only good thing that came out of the box was hope. And because they had hope, all those other terrible things didn't matter anymore."

"Exactly." Pinky said.

"The boys… they were the thing with feathers." Perry said. "That was why the terrible things didn't matter. Because they were there. And now they aren't. They're gone."

Perry buried his head in his pillow and began to sob quietly.

"Isn't there anything I can do?" Pinky asked.

"Go away."

Pinky stood up and slowly left the room. He was surprised to find Lowe standing on the other side.

"He's so upset." Pinky said.

Lowe nodded slowly.

"I don't know what to do."

Lowe looked into his eyes. "It's not your job to fix everything for him. He's going to have to do most of it himself. You can support him, but it's not your fault if you can't do any more than that."

Pinky looked at the ground.

"He's lost his friends, his brothers, his parental figures, and his children all at once." Lowe said. "He will get better. But it's not the kind of pain that goes away completely. And you can't change that. All you can do, which I know he appreciates, is be a good friend. But you don't have to blame yourself for his emotions."

* * *

"THE O.W.C.A IS SAFE!" Phineas announced, opening the door to the base.

His statement was only acknowledged by a baby narwhal attempting to swim across the floor. The narwhal blinked at him and emitted a long, low noise.

"Um… where is everyone?" Phineas asked.

"Perhaps they're all in different rooms." Ferb said. "See, here comes one now."

A large bulldog was coming out of a room. He glanced at the boys and kept walking.

Then he stopped and stared at them.

The narwhal pointed at them with his fin and made another noise.

The dog began to bark.

Animals came rushing from different directions. Last of all came Monogram, holding a frying pan over his head. "ZOMBIES! RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!"

"Zombies? What…?" Phineas turned to Ferb, who shrugged.

"You… you died in the explosion!" Carl said, pointing a shaking finger at the boys. "We… we saw it happen!"

"ZOMBIEEESSSS!" Monogram wailed.

"No, we didn't." Phineas shook his head. "We just flew up when the ground under us gave way. Olivia caught us both and flew us away."

Olivia mooed.

"REMEMBER YOUR ZOMBIE APOCALYPSE TRAINING!" Monogram yelled.

"Hush!" Admiral Acronym chided. "Can't you see these children are ALIVE? They survived the blow is all!"

"Yeah, and we got the O.W.C.A back for you guys." Phineas said. "Olivia fought the rogues and chased them out. Then we upped the security system so they couldn't get back in. It's so complex now, only Ferb knows how to break it."

"And my cow." Ferb said.

Olivia mooed.

"No, not you, Olivia. My pretend cow." Ferb said.

Olivia looked annoyed.

"So, you're not zombies?" Monogram said.

The boys shook their heads.

Monogram dropped his frying pan. A few agents in the back of the crowd dropped the torches and pitchforks they had been holding.

* * *

"Wake up, Perry." Darren the duck said.

"Everyone. Leave me alone." Perry snarled.

"There are some people in the base. I think you'll want to say hi to them."

"I hate people."

"Not these people."

"No."

"Come on, Perry! You'll be really happy. I promise."

"You shouldn't break your promises, Darren."

Darren lifted him up.

"I hate you. I hate all my friends that lift me up against my will. Put me back down now. I'm not in the mood for this."

Darren dragged him out into the main hallway. Perry's head hurt from the sudden light, and he was dizzy from hunger. He was furious with himself for being too weak to kick Darren in the stomach.

"Perry!" Phineas called.

 _Great. Now I'm hallucinating. My brain hates me_. Darren let Perry down, and Perry slumped to the floor, trying to keep himself from fainting.

"Perry, Perry! Come here, boy! Perry! …Is he okay? Perry?"

Perry looked up.

He wasn't hallucinating. They were really there. Standing there. Covered in ash and a little bruised, but they were there.

Perry stood up. They were there. They were okay. They weren't… dead.

He ran to them and grabbed onto them, burying his head in Phineas's chest, hugging Ferb to him so tightly Ferb started to choke a little. He breathed in their smell… machine oil, crayons… a hint of smoke, but that didn't matter. They were here, against him, Phineas's thin arm wrapped around his back, Ferb patting him gently on the head.

"Perry, are you okay? You look terrible." Phineas said.

"Sir Phineas of Compliment." Ferb said.

"Oh, be quiet, Ferb."

"You guys are okay." Perry sobbed. "You're okay."

"Of course we're okay. We had Ferb's cow." Phineas said.

"You're here."

"Actually, we're in Las Vegas." Ferb said.

Phineas nudged him in the side.

"I love you, boys." Perry said.

"We love you too, Perry." Phineas said.

* * *

"I guess that'll teach Monogram to employ former rogues as O.W.C.A members." Peter said.

Perry nodded. "Mercenaries, too. Once a mercenary, always a mercenary."

A beach ball hit him in the head.

"Hey, watch it!" Perry snapped.

The agency's pool was crowded, but it wasn't half as bad as it had been at the base. Agents were still splashing around and causing trouble, but at least Perry had some breathing room.

"Who wants cake?" Monogram called.

"This is the best 'The Agency Is Safe' party ever." Peter said.

"Hey, do you mind swimming me over to the edge so I can get a bite of cake?" Perry asked.

Peter pulled the inflatable chair over to the poolside. Perry climbed out of it and stood in front of Monogram.

"Good to see you happy again." Monogram said. He cut Perry a large slice of cake and handed it to him. Perry hopped back into the pool chair and began eating it.

"Today is great." Peter said.

"Back at the agency… back home… the boys are okay… Ferb's cow is still random and completely unexplained… yeah." Perry grinned. "Life is good."

"SWIM!" Dolly the dolphin squealed, zooming past them. "SWIM FOR YOUR LIVES!"

Instinctively, Perry looked up at the diving board. Henrietta the hippo was preparing to jump.

Perry shook Peter's hand. "Well, it was nice knowing you."

"Likewise." Peter said.

But it was not Henrietta who jumped.

Ilana the ibis, who had been standing on Henrietta's head, leapt gracefully into the water and rose up again, laughing.

Henrietta gave a roar of happiness.

Perry smiled. It was good to have everything back to normal again.


	12. Chapter 12

"I AM HOME!" Perry shouted, running as fast as he could through the house.

He zoomed past the kitchen, where Linda was cooking dinner. He zoomed into the TV room, where Lawrence was sitting on the couch with the newspaper. He zoomed into Candace's room and ran around in circles on the rug.

"EW! Get out!" Candace snapped.

He was a Perrycar. And Perrycars zoomed where they liked.

Candace picked him up and tossed him out of her room.

Fine. The Perrycar had better places to go anyway.

Perry ran downstairs and skidded to a stop in the living room, where the boys were playing on the computer.

"Hey, Perry." Phineas said. "We're playing DinoVillage 64. Just like DinoVillage 63, except the computer doesn't burst into flame if you lose."

"Good new feature." Perry said. He sat down on Phineas's lap and smiled at Ferb.

Then he did a double-take.

"Ferb… what… where did you get that pendant?"

Ferb frowned and looked down at his cow pendant. "Oh, I forgot I had that on. It's from Buford's cow collection."

"It's a creepy cow." Phineas said. "I don't like it."

"That's… that's THE cow pendant." Perry said. "That's what I need to free Prince and Royal Guard."

"Huh." Ferb shrugged and took off the pendant. "Small world." He handed it to Perry.

"There's a ninety-nine percent chance Buford won't get this back." Perry said.

"Buford probably won't notice." Phineas said. "One time I borrowed a glue stick from him and forgot to give it back. He didn't even care."

"Thanks, boys." Perry put the pendant into his pocket. "Looks like I have a little trip to make tonight."

"To Las Vegas." Ferb said dramatically.

Perry rolled his eyes. "Is that the new 'My Cow'?"

"Of course not. My cow will never be replaced." Ferb said.

A moo sounded in the distance.

"And you can't be replaced either, Olivia." Ferb called.


End file.
